After several years of serving Shirdi Saibaba, I still don’t know Sai

Sairam friends,

Yesterday when I started from work, It was raining and I used the time to recollect what happened to me the past 10-15 years. Like a storyline, I remembered the events which happened in past. May be there was so much negativity in me that Sai was unable to help me. At my age, many others will be more matured and practical in their life. One of the reason I feel happy for not getting what I want early in my life is that this time period helped me do little good deeds I can.

The times I spent doing small seva near the Dhuni  – Holy fire of Sai and also giving Sai photos to devotees, writing to Sai devotees through StarSai. My life would have been nothing without StarSai. No matter how good or worse StarSai is, It has helped me feel satisfied and that’s Sai’s gift for me.

One of the feeling I have been having the past 2-3 days is if I really know Shirdi Saibaba? Do I know his glory and divinity? Did I ever give the respect I am supposed to give for Sai at home, in temple and where ever I do? I honestly agree that I have simply been devoted to Saibaba all these years but never gave Sai the respect I am supposed to give. I must have simply seen him as my friend and a fakir who is always with me.

May be I loved Sai too much that I din’t realize the need to respect a saint who is avatar of Lord Dattatreya – Guru of all Gurus. To make myself understand the divinity of Saibaba, these days do the following…

1. Imagine how Shirdi Saibaba would have lived during his life time in Shirdi.

2. Think about how first few devotees would have realized he is not a ordinary fakir but a real incarnation of God

3. I have a vision of Sai sitting in Dwarakamai with a Smile that makes me sooooooooo Happy.

4. I could see Sai asking me to clean his little Dhuni and I offer sticks in the dhuni to make the fire glow brighter.

5. I imagine how devotees will step into Dwarakamai with fear and tell Baba about their problems.

6. I can feel how Sai graciously blesses each devotees in a different way. To some, he asks to worship God of his ancestors, to few , he simply gives Udi and to few Sai asks for dakshina and gives them prasad and tell them to go home with peace.

How beautiful were those days friends? We can actually touch and feel Sai. We can speak to him and we can hold his legs and palm. Even yesterday I thought to myself that I am not fit for this world and I must have born before 100 years. I like to be primitive and lead a simple life.

After several years of serving Shirdi Saibaba, I still don’t know Sai

When I say, I have been serving Saibaba, does it really makes sense? I really din’t do much for Sai and also his devotees. I simply express what I feel is good and try to spread devotion. Some devotees are benefited and try to take the path of Sai with more faith and patience. That’s it. The mails I get from Sai children shows their trust in me but honestly, I don’t reply at times since I don’t get time and also I feel who am I, an ordinary devotee to guide Sai’s children.

I really don’t know Sai. I simply have Sai in my heart and soul but if I had known his glory, I would have never desired anything in my life. I would have been a better human being. May be Sai wants me to live this life as ordinary human with ups and downs so that I can write about my mistakes for the world to understand Sai devotion better.

I believe Saibaba knows me and that’s enough for me. Sai knows my negatives and also positives and he is trying to make me better day by day.

How can I write about Shirdi Sai Baba or Spirituality everyday? Did I read Vedas or am I reading many good Books? I am living my life and waking up every morning to think if I can write something. So my writings can only be perceived as Scribblings of a Sai devotee. It means different things to different devotee. Some devotees have been motivated to be more devoted to Saibaba and work hard to achieve their good goals and this satisfies me.

I hope to do something productive for Myself, Sai and his children. Have to work on it. As of now, I still don’t know Sai.

Sai knows me and Sai alone knows who I am.

My Sister paid hosting fee for StarSai and I felt satisfied. She has always been there for me when ever I need something and Sai must bless her and her family with peace.

Love,

Venkat