Sai, Will I do something worthy in this life?

Sairam friends,

Hope all of you are doing well. Since I am not able to write articles regularly, I feel disconnected with all of you like the Internet connection at my home.  I had leave the past 4 days – October 2,3,4,5 2014 and never did anything worthy. Since we had kept Golu on behalf of Navratri festival, I can’t plan any trip outside also. I would have gone to Shirdi but don’t want to make my parents feel am behind Baba. Hence I kept quiet as I can be near them doing any odd work at home.

This article does not have anything spiritual. I just wrote my day to day experiences. So I wish to post the photo of the Dhuni Baba in Shirdi Saibaba temple.

I love this Dhubi Baba so much friends. I have spent several years looking at him and coming around holy Dhuni. I love this Nagasai mandir’s Dwarakamai and Dhuni Baba. I will give my life for this sacred Sai and I love him especially because he looks like a little boy and very sweet. He doesn’t smile. Sai simply looks at you. You can feel his love.

I usually do not photograph Saibaba in this temple especially because suddenly someone comes and tells not to take a picture. I wish to show this sweet little Sai to the world. This Sai took care of me so much. He knows about my past. My present and my future. He has seen it all. He has seen what I have gone through over these years.

Sai, Please bless me with good “Internet”

I cannot spend a day without internet. Its like lifeline for me. All that I had done the past few years is some kind of online project. I have BSNL Broadband connection which is very good according to me. Even when the line is cut for few days, I manage with my mobile net or simply wait for Bsnl to fix things. Many people used to ask me to go for a better broadband connection according to them.

I stick to BSNL because in a country like India, we must support government enterprise as much as we support private companies. Its good for the people and economy of the country also. My Father started his career as a Junior Engineer when he used to respire a bus laying under it and grew up to Deputy Manager level managing hundreds of staff under him in the government transport corporation. Hence, I have personally realized the value of state/central government corporations.  There are sincere and dedicated employees even in Government run organizations.

I hope my internet connection gets better in the days to come or else, I shall consider moving but I will keep BSNL connection forever. I cannot afford to spend so much. So I am waiting for Sai’s grace to restore my lifeline.

Related article – Celebrating 25 years of World Wide Web with Shirdi Saibaba

What I was doing the past 4 days?

1. People who serve others through the job they do:

There are few career where one directly can serve the public. Example, When my uncle got retired from Metro Waters in Chennai, I gave him a Sai’s book and wrote in a chit that “The job you did all these years itself was a service to humanity.”

I went to few banks with my friend to get some information. Of all the 3 banks we went, only place where we got good details was the bank where there was a women manager. This is my second experience like this. I even told my friend, “I have seen women managers are having patience to speak and they really try to help us”.

When ever I see people trying to help others by doing their work sincerely, I feel like appreciating them.  I agree, some Men too serve people. Watch the video of how a Bank Manager in Salem/Delhi helped ordinary Indians to get Bank account.

2. Book Shop

It was such a hot day but my friend took me to a book shop. I did not buy any books especially because I wanted to keep my books clean. I am simply dumping the books without any arrangement and its the worst thing I am doing to Sai and Saraswathi. Baba, please bless me with buddhi to keep the books in order so that Goddess of learning will dwell in my home.

That’s it.

As usual, I went for weekend walking in R.S.Puram, Coimbatore and then my sweet Nagasai Mandir.

The only good thing I did for my parents was helping them repack all the statues of Gods and Goddess we had kept for Golu. My Mom was sitting in the chair to cover each statue with the cloth. She complains that I am not covering the statues with patience and simply playing around. It really makes me feel painful when ever my Ma says “Will you keep Golu after us?….Will you cover the statues safe and keep it safe?”

Every year my Mom says this, I pray Sai that next year too my parents must be with me with good health and long life. This year, Mom did all arrangements though she was not that healthy as before.

Offering hair to Lord Murugan:

I had to request my parents to allow me to offer my hair to God for the past 6 month. I could not make it to Tirupathi as it will be crowded.Finally, on October 5th morning, I went to Marudhamalai Murugan temple by foot. It was really a hot day. I offered my hair to Lord Murugan, had good darshan of Murugan and felt really blissful and divine.

An average adult has one lakh hair follicles and I lost most of them. So I like offering hair to God as it makes me feel clean and pure. I also feel really blessed. Just that I wonder how I sweat so much as if someone planted a fountain on my head. Its really embarrassing. The funny thing is the way people look at you when they first see you. Its like some Alien has just landed on planet Earth.

Anyway, My long time wish got fulfilled in this 4 days although I did not travel any where. I simply offered my hair to Lord Murugan and could feel his presence in my life.

While I was on the way back home, My Father asked me to get the house keys from Ganesha temple in our colony. Every weekend, my parents takes our maid to the temple in the afternoon to wash the saree and other dress of Gods and Goddess in temple. They also do other work in the temple when nobody are around. Sometimes, I wonder why my parents take so much strain to serve God but they ask me not to keep on serving Sai.

It could be because they feel, I am not old enough to serve God and they wish I get married and lead a simple life.

I came back home, did some work and slept few minutes.

This morning my Father told me that I am really not having a deep sleep at night since he has noticed even if I hear a small sound, I wake up immediately. He told me not to worry much.

I started writing this article thinking about the following..

“What I was..What I am and What I will be ….”

Few days back, I took a book to read during lunch hour to my work place. I also found this photo of mine which was taken several years back when I was into Filmmaking. I cannot believe that I changed so much Baba. What I dreamt and what am I doing now? Is it my fate or your way of pulling me to your Dwarakamai?

The years I spent trying to be a Cinematographer and even a Director writing scripts, waiting in my Editors place to join a famous Cinematographer. All this looks like a dream to me Sai.

Here’s the only Photo from my Filmmaking days…

Took this when Editor was away. Am just posing during post production of a Film starring Maddy and Jo. I cropped most of the photo as I do not want the Editor or anyone associated with him to know I am writing this. Its like accepting my failure aloud. “Yes. I failed to be a Filmmaker”.

Did I even imagine that I will be working in an IT concern before 10 years?

When ever I write this, few devotees mail me saying ”You must go back to Filmmaking”. No. Its not that easy. Its over in my life. Only belief is that I will certainly do something related to film making if not in the main stream movies. When I can afford to buy a Pro Camera and Editing suite, I might do a Documentary on Saibaba or travel from Kanyakumari to Kashmir and tell the story of ordinary Indians. Its my long time dream and hope I will do it.

Something really surprising is though I do not remember my past, its in my sub conscious mind. I see my Editor in dream guiding me. I have immense respect on Kamal hassan especially because when ever I see him in dream, I do something related to film making.

Example – When I got Job in a Film School, I had a dream as if Kamal is asking “Shall we start post production? ” and recently I once again saw him in dream but this time, I do not even have my camera to shoot.  It got ruined when I completed my previous Short film.

Many Sai devotees write me that I am lucky to get Sai dreams. To be clear, What ever dream I get, I consider it as Sai’s dream. So Sai also uses other people to guide me.

So here’s the sum of it all…

What I was – Dreaming to be a successful Filmmaker.

What I am – I am interested in Startups and I also wish to do something worthy. Something that brings a good change in others life. I have to do it and I believe Sai will guide me.

What I will be – Sai alone knows.

Its 11.30 at night when I complete writing this article.

Its a journey friends. I cannot forget my past but its over. Now, I wanted to do something worthy. I hope Sai guides me or probably Sai thinks, I am expecting too much from him.

I lost everything. I lost all my big desires and dreams.

What remains is hope and my Love for Sai Baba.

Love,

Venkat