Baba, tell me where is it going to end?

Sai,

I am totally confused and depressed today. I don’t know why all this happened to me. I really feel humiliated just because I followed your words with heart and soul. I know the consequences of not abiding by your words Sai. Any devotee to whom you have communicated something, if he/she doesn’t follow that, they only end up loosing their peace in life. So I can’t deny your words and the fact that you are guiding me.

But please think about me Sai. I am not young to keep on trusting something that has nothing to do with reality. People easily can ask how do you know Saibaba only told this to you? How will I prove this Baba? Can you show these people what ever you told me? None will understand the relationship we both have. I know it continues birth after birth that you take so much care to tell me what to do even to run my day to day life.

I previously requested you to help me get rid of this issue but you keep asking me to hold on. For what? I feel really painful because my parents health too isn’t good. So please appear in dream tonight and tell me clearly what to do. I must ask why you did this to me but you are my Guru and you have all rights to confuse me. Now, just tell me what to do Sai?

I am totally fed up with life Sai.

In all ways I see that I am not comfortable with this work place Sai!

Thanks for getting my Sister what I have been praying for. I wanna go to the U.S for couple of month for a change but Amma is not well. She always feels dizzy and simply managing at home. I can’t leave them and go any where now.

The past 2 month, I am really going through several pains. This issue confused me and gave me enough pain Baba. What sins I did to suffer like this.

Baba, why would anyone trust me? People will say that I am a fool and laugh at me. I am following your words because you gave me experiences in past and I know how you work. Even Sai devotees can’t understand me as living a life just based on Sai dreams isn’t common any where. None will live like me but that’s what you do to.

Saints won’t mis-guide any one and hence its my responsibility to stick to your words.

When I face humiliation and insult for what ever I do, tell me how should I proceed Baba?

The best part is, for the first time in my life, you even gave me a time line to wait. So what if I waited so long and still can’t prove Saibaba is involved in all this?

Even if I desire to end this, you again keep asking me to hold on to it in dream. I am confused Sai.

I feel an escruciating pain in my chest now. I better run away some where and live the life I want.  It started on September 13th 2016. Almost 7 month now Baba. Tell me where will it end? Why are you making me suffer like this between your dream and reality Baba. After 1000 years someone might read that this guy called Venkat lived like a fool trusting Sai dreams or will they know I was blessed since I trusted Sai dreams. What lesson is there in this for me or for the world?

This is not the first time I face a relationship problem. But this one is the first time I am suffering because of myself. This girl is innocent and minds her business. You made me bother her by your words. Now, what she will think of me. That I used your name right? Now, tell me why all this happened Sai? My eyes are closing now and I need some clarity Baba.

I was happy for some months. Again, I am getting into depression.

I won’t be practical in life because my life is yours. I will only do what you ask me to do Baba. I am practical and behave accordingly but what ever I decide in my life will be based on your guidance.

Please Baba, Let the climax in this story come soon. I am fed up with this life Sai.

Save my Ma. I love her so much.

Venkat