Baba, Forgive me for speaking too much and teasing everyone

Sairam friends,

I have fever past 2 days. This morning onwards, I have Hiccup every 5 seconds. Its really painful as I can’t do anything. Also, I am thinking too much about all the issues I am facing. Its like, I am mentally sick. Not all will even realize they have to change the way their mind works but reality is our mind too needs some everyday practice if we are too sensitive. One of the reason, I say this is that I wish to inspire and motivate people to come out of their mental blocks.

Many youngsters are unnecessarily spoiling their life due to problems at home, relationship, stress at work and other things. I can’t be personally helping all but I wish to make everyone realize that life is really beautiful.

Read – A Beautiful Mind

I remember the film I saw years back – Such an awesome movie which I wish to watch again. A Beautiful Mind is based on life of an American Mathematician John Forbes Nash, Jr who was suffering from Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder often characterized by abnormal social behavior and failure to recognize what is real. Common symptoms include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking, auditory hallucinations, reduced social engagement and emotional expression, and inactivity. Diagnosis is based on observed behavior and the person’s reported experiences.

Irrespective of his mental illness, John Forbes Nash, Jr. worked on game theory, differential geometry, and partial differential equations have provided insight into the factors that govern chance and events inside complex systems in daily life. He was honored with Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences (1994)

The movie won 4 Oscars and my favorite. Remember the day I saw this film in Satyam Theaters, Chennai.

I love the scene in which Alicia explains the meaning of love to Nash as being a mathematician he wanted a proof for Love.

Alicia: How big is the universe?

Nash: Infinite.

Alicia: How do you know?

Nash: I know because all the data indicates it’s infinite.

Alicia: But it hasn’t been proven yet.

Nash: No.

Alicia: You haven’t seen it.

Nash: No.

Alicia: How do you know for sure?

Nash: I don’t, I just believe it.

Alicia: It’s the same with love I guess.

Anyway, when I see my problem, My Mom feels I think too much to take any decision in life. Even if I want to buy something, I think too much. I don’t have presence of mind as several thoughts are getting into me at one point of time.

I think too much which is not good for me as a person. I can’t keep living like this. I wish to accept things in life and go ahead.

I don’t want to think about anything baba. I don’t want to think about people or friends or even people who hate me. I just want to think of you day and night Sai. Please give me the gift of always remembering you and only you.

I don’t want to think about what people speak about me. I don’t want to think about past, present and future. I don’t want to think about anything. Just want to leave everything in your holy feet and remember you alone.

I get too philosophical when ever I get sick especially since I can’t bear little pain and discomfort.

My Amma and Appa are worried. Amma made a home made medicine to cure my hiccup. Its like miracle. I think all this health issue happened just because I speak too much at work and also tease everyone. Not everyone! Probably, few whom we friends enjoy making fun of. And also about anyone we read about in News. I don’t leave anyone alone and keep making fun.

I do this only to keep myself happy and also have fun with my friends. I honestly don’t want to hurt anyone Saibaba. Here after, I might continue to joke but shall try my best to avoid always making fun and speaking. Its like, Once you are used to speak, then you can’t change yourself.

Please forgive me Saibaba. Thanks for making me realize, Speaking too much is actually reducing my ability to learn good things in life. I am really sick. Please heal me and relieve me from hiccup. Its hurting me like anything. In the clinic, the girl who was in reception was laughing at me. I feel like laughing at myself.

Baba, please heal me soon and cure my fever

I will end with this beautiful words from “A Beautiful Mind”

“Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind. But an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart”

Amma is really worried. Bless me with good health and beautiful mind and heart Sai.

Bless us all with your grace to ever remember you.

Venkat