Being conservative and assuming that’s our culture has ruined our lives

Sairam friends,

I started writing this after my niece and myself had a pillow fight in my room. Its like, we are supposed to hold a pillow and hit each other. When her pillow hits my face, she gets one point. I want to make her happy. So made her hit my face thrice. She was excited and went to bed.

Her school re-opens on August 23rd. So this evening, my Sister drove us to the mall to buy dress for her. It was raining heavily and got stormy. I got little scared as there was no visibility at all while we drove back home. My Sister managed to take a better route and took us home. When it rained here, both my Sister and myself thought about how people in Kerala must have suffered. She already did her little bit by donating. I haven’t done anything yet. Saibaba should take care of people in Kerala. I am happy everyone are doing their bit to help them.

Here’s what I wish to express today.

I am trying to understand life in India during my stay here in the U.S.

There are few issues in America too but the standard of life is much better.

India is where I belong but my experience in the U.S helps me understand what must be fixed in our beloved Nation.

1. Being too conservative

In India we have stupid restrictions on everything we do. We have a rules for how one should behave in his/her public life. Some of these cultural values have to be appreciated. However, I found most of us are focusing too much on stuff that certainly won’t and can’t make our life better.

My humble request is this – Show your concern, knowledge and ideas on areas that can make your life or others life good.

2. Your Children came through you but doesn’t belong to you

I have seen how parents force their children to choose what they have to study at school or in College. Parents expect their adult children to make sure they get job in the campus interview as if there’s so much job in the market.

The worst problem in India is expecting Son/Daughter to marry the one they suggest. Well, in most cases, it works. In some cases, it may not. So if your Son/Daughter says that they likes someone, consider what they have in mind and help them to understand your point. Don’t be silly though – Don’t bring in caste issues or status issues in marriage. This sounds ridiculous to me.

In any western countries, a grown up adult marries whom they likes to marry. Parents does say their views but won’t stop them from doing what their Son/Daughter has already decided on doing. If their marriage is successful, parents are happy. If their marriage isn’t going good, its their kids responsibility to take care of themselves.

And for Gods sake ‘DO NOT ASSUME THAT MARRIAGE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON PLANET EARTH”

Not necessarily. If its getting late for your Son/Daughter to find the right match, have patience. Don’t hurry and please don’t make me laugh speaking about horoscope stuff. Just see that to get an idea but that certainly can’t tell you the whole story about how life is going to be when one gets married.

3. Girls, Please grow up and guys, don’t be a conservative dumbo

I wrote it in my previous article that I had faced few issues in the place I work because of doing things as I like. Later, I realized a big truth.

I can’t blame the city I belong or Organization I work for.

Its unfortunate some girls and even guys are narrow minded or they are made to think like that.

I will give you a small example.

I used to drop a girl in my Car on the way to my office. I was doing it sincerely since I felt the Bus was crowded. After few month, I realized some guys are speaking ill of it. That was a shock to me and I felt bad.

Is it wrong to drop a colleague in car? The problem is she’s a Women. Is it?

How foolish and narrow minded these guys should be? They go on and say this to others in office too.

So I felt disturbed and decided better to avoid dropping this girl in my car. I even told this incident to my Sister this evening and she told me, you wouldn’t have not stopped dropping her just because others speak bad of it. I told her that I felt its better not to complicate it because tomorrow, people might even speak ill of this girl. You never know.

I live in such a so-called cultured country.

And yeah. I know girls who will get embarrassed just because I smile to them or have a small chat with them. Excuse me. I just smiled.

I smile even to the women who cleans the rest room and couple of them talks well to me and I also say few words to them because I respect them.

Similarly, I smile to any girl and speak couple of words to them because I respect them.

4. Commenting on the way a girl gets dressed

I hear it even from a close friends. They say “She doesn’t wear her shawl properly”…Well, I was wondering what’s this shawl crap he’s speaking about to realize he is talking about Dupatta Indian girls wear while they are on Chudi or Salwar Kameez.

Some girls are too sensitive to this Dupatta culture. So they wear Dupatta like Bed sheet on them. Please grow up kids and behave like a “Real Girl”.

While I was photographing few girls last year at work, I found none of the beautiful colors or design on their tops were shown at all just because of these girls were wearing dupatta like bed sheet. I know one of this girl personally. So frankly requested her to fold it and wear it. She did. I just can’t do it to girls whom I don’t know as a friend.

There are so many other comments no matter what dress a women wears.

“Ask her to wear her Saree properly”

Well.. Technically speaking, Saree is not something any Women can always hold with their palm so that it doesn’t show up the way you don’t wanted it to show up.

Next time, you want a girl to wear a Saree perfectly, do one thing. Marry her and hold every corner of her Saree where ever she walks. Funny hah?

If you find a girl isn’t wearing Saree “properly”,  don’t look and walk away – You idiot.

Girls in U.S wear shorts and its revealing. Is any American men complaining? Even when I see these girls wearing such dress, I felt they are normal. They are good girls too. I felt such dress to be decent too because all the girls from teen age to aunties wear shorts during summer.

And there’s other kind of families. They will come to U.S. Have kids in the U.S. These kids will be bought up in America but in a typical Indian way. Your kids will be confused if you do that.

If you are in the U.S, live like an American. Your kids will be lost when they grow up as they are supposed to survive in this foreign country.

5. Asking parents on why their Son/Daughter isn’t married?

Well.

In the U.S, its illegal to ask someone if they are single or married when they apply for a job. Atleast, they won’t ask during an interview as far as I understand. In India, everything goes by what you are above 30.

If you aren’t married, you will be considered as a big failure.

Some of the most cruel people in India will be your relatives. They will poke you even if you are minding your life. They will show up just to ask ‘Isn’t your Son/Daughter getting old. Why are you not responsible and get them married to someone”

What..Someone?

Go and marry some clown who will jump as a Super Man from a Matrimony website or match maker or a relatives reference?

Please …for Gods sake…

Don’t think that people who are not married are fools and you are smart.

We din’t find the the right guy/girl yet. Yeah. We are old.

Its better to stay single than marrying someone in hurry just because your society wants you to.

Next time, I see someone asking any elderly people if their Son/Daughter isn’t married and how sad they feel about it,I wish to drop Chili powder in their mouth.

6. Making someone feel inferior

I have seen some people in India judge a person by how much they earn. This really annoys me to core. So if your Son/Daughter is settled abroad and they earn big and are in a big position, does that mean people like us doing ordinary jobs are not smart?

Please don’t let anyone advice you on your Career unless they have knowledge about it.

Never feel inferior about any job just because it pays you less.

In America, kids go to job when they are 14 and still in high school. Last evening, my Sister took me to a Mexican restaurant. I saw this girl who must be 14/15 and doing a Server’s job. She was so polite and kind. In India, we depend on parents until we complete our graduation and then, they want you to land in a BIG JOB.

Well, I don’t think that’s wrong but always be ready to learn before you can make it big.

Please don’t discourage anyone just because they earn less. They are doing what they are capable of based on the opportunities they got.

That’s it guys.

Its cold here. Going to be 12 at night and I am going to sleep.

My Sister took us to a beautiful place which was known as Village of Palisades before 150 years. I am fascinated to know how Americans lives several decades back. So enjoyed doing photography there. The featured photo is the river – Split rock creek. I had a memorable time with my Sister, BIL, niece and my parents. I love my Sister. If you wonder why I wrote this article today, its because I was telling her all that happened to me in office the past couple of years.

Its my Sister’s perception on life that gets into me and I felt like expressing it today.

You must live your life the way you want to.

Venkat

Write to venkat

starsai27@gmail.com