Its my Birthday. I am depressed and I still believe Sai has a better plan for me

Sairam friends,

November 4th marks my Birthday and I don’t have any reasons to be happy about it. I have some pain once in a while and felt dizzy last night. I know my health isn’t good but I won’t go for a checkup etc. I feel, it will make me get really upset if I know something isn’t right with my health and add to my worries. So what ever it is, let it be until I am forced to go or if Sai wills, he will cure me without none knowing what happened to me? I also decided not to go to work as I don’t want to bother anyone and don’t want anyone to see me. People expect one to be happy on their birthday and if  I am depressed. Its better to hide ourselves and do something else.  Secondly, I don’t like to celebrate my birthday and have been following it for the past 3 years. It doesn’t suit me.

I also don’t know if I can define my depression because people who say they are going through depression suffer with several issues. I don’t think Its too bad for me. Sai has been kind to bless me with good parents, friends and people around me. Just that, I am born in a country where a Man and Women who’s not married are irritated for no reason. Sometimes, I think if its better to leave India and live with my Sister because no one will bother me with their “Kind” questions of “When and Why I am not married”. How do I know? and by trying to be good to me, they injure me to core.

I am Sai’s servant and he wants me to be calm and he alone knows the reason. For the whole world out there, please understand, if you trust Sai, he has a way of telling you what to do and what not to do. Until now, he only has told me what not to do and I have listened to him. This is purely between me and my Guru and he has all rights to work on my life even if that’s going to brutally fail for people to laugh at me.

And here’s a message which I always spread –

“Do not ask someone who is going through a difficulty about their “difficulty”. At least not publicly. Keep it as an one to one conversation”

In India, is a fashion to ask someone without a job to get a life. If someone is not married, you go and very kindly ask them about it. Tell me something. Can these people get a job for one human being in their life time? Even if they can, can they repeat it to everyone whom they advice to find a job. If you know someone is going through a breakup or not married or some other issue, don’t bug them with questions. If they are your close friend, ask them when you are alone- Personally. Not in front of others. It injures them to core and for Gods sake, don’t ask any parents why their kids are not married.

Sai, please bless me so that I don’t hurt anyone with my words

Over the years, I have learnt life the hard way. I have never been successful in what I tried or wanted to be. I either took the path which is not laid for me or I stopped in the middle and took a different path. I have always tried to smile and make fun of everyone to let others laugh. Recently, I discovered when we make fun of people, it doesn’t always go good to them. It might upset them or make them feel that we are purposely doing it to pull them down. I have never grown matured or behaved in sync with my age which people would have expected from me. Honestly, I don’t want to be. It will only make me mentally old.

If you act very corporate, matured and practical, it will at times shrink your thinking process, your behavior and your connection with people around you. I don’t want to be so narrow minded and self centered.

If there’s a prayer I wish to do today, it is this. I don’t want to hurt anyone with my words. I would have done it in the past or might do in future too, casually making fun of people. Finally, I realized that people don’t take me right always and eventually insult me. I don’t know to be silent and not sure how to proceed in future. I probably need a change or its going to be fine.

Before boring you with my story, here’s a Saibaba’s photo contributed by a wonderful devotee who decorates Sai beautifully- Sai Murali.

I wish to share a Sai leela today…

I was wondering if Saibaba used to make fun of others and came across these.

Tatya’s mother Bayaji ma has always been kind to Saibaba. During the early times of Baba’s advent in Shirdi, Bayaji ma will be walking in the woods in the hot sun carrying food to offer Saibaba. Sai used to leave Shirdi village and go into the woods near by. She will find Sai sitting under a tree shade near the well and offer him food. Sai loves her son Tatya.

When there are no new devotees and some close devotees of Baba are sitting in Dwarakamai, Sai used to walk like Tatya and tease him.

Sai will also hide belongings of Tatya and let him search for it.

I don’t know how a Dattatreya’s incarnation was playful with his close devotees reducing himself as a mere friend and not a Guru.

This birthday, I just realized there’s only one good friend who will be with me for lifetime – Sai.

Everyone else will gradually disappear as life goes on.

Everyone are busy with their life and have their own set of beliefs about what’s right and wrong and I always fall in the wrong side.

Fortunately, I have Sai and Sai has me.

If you have good experiences with Sai and have taken good photos of Baba in your home write to me.

Om Sai Ram

Venkat