Sairam friends,
Every night after night aarti and Saibaba temple is closed, bunch of my friends used to stand opposite to the gate and have a chat. Some used to ask what on Earth you people are discussing? Well. Nothing much. These are wonderful friends of mine and I go Saibaba temple to meet them than to see Sai. This is why I tell you many times. I am not religious.
I am associating myself with good people. It’s as simple as that because in every good friend of mine, I see Sai.
Couple of days back, we were discussing on how life was before few years. When ever my parents go to the U.S, I used to get scared to be alone in house. So I switch on all the lights and lay down. Once, a women showed me a SMS she received from a man who was trying to cheat her. She showed it to me and I asked her not to trust that man and keep away from him. I got so scared and even closed all the windows and slept off for couple of month. I was laughing a lot why on Earth I even closed the windows at night? Is that Man gonna get into my home through window? he he..
It’s been 7-8 years since my Sister came to India and I am remembering her a lot. When I was a kid, I used to hold my Sister’s palm and sleep as I fear some ghost will come and kidnap me. I think my Sister is happy with the weekly Skype and Google Duo calls she does.
I stopped all the projects I do at night and simply talking to my parents these days at night for 30 minites before they sleep. I do this because only when your parents get old and weak, you start to get a fear which I can’t describe in words. Last night, my pressed my Mom’s leg, laid down near her leg. I was thinking why my Mom became so weak and I must do something to heal her.
So I decided to chant Sai’s holy name – Sai. Sai, Sai for 20,000 times in mind when ever I can.
From 2007, I have been living based on Saibaba’s guidance in dreams. Baba has done a lot to me and our family through dreams. None can understand why I trust dreams so much because they don’t know how Sai works. To people I have openly shared my dreams, I might sound like a nut case. May be, you think I am imagining on my own. These days, this is the question I keep asking Saibaba. Is it you who guided me in dream or is it all my own imagination.?
On Monday night, I went to a Saibaba temple near office. I like that temple on Weekdays as none will be there during night aarti. Infact, It will be dark and I will be alone in Dwarakamai. I enjoy this proximity with Saibaba. I spoke to him about what he did to me.
- Why did I get a dream about someone almost 14 month back?
- Is he bearing all the embarrassment I face because its not him but me who’s suffering reacting to his dreams.
- Atleast help me understand why all this happened? Am I a fool to trust his dreams?
- Sai, You can’t be silent because I never bothered any girl. Atleast, it must have not happened at work place.
- How will I come out of this guilty feeling if Sai can’t give me clarity.
Saibaba won’t bother all these drama I do with tears. Next day, I never got any dream about this issue. I told Baba, just clarify me why all this happened so that I can be free of this thought.
I felt may be, I would have done some sin to some girl in my previous birth and I am supposed to pay back in this birth like this.
May be, I am asking Saibaba to give me some clarity and help me come out of this confusion without doing anything.
So I decided to chant Sai’s holy name for 20,000 times.
In Sai Satcharita Baba has assured
“No one comes to you without a bond in previous birth and hence you must not hurt anyone”
Someone’s birthday is around and I feel this must be a blessing. Let this girl be blessed with a good career, health and happiness. Lets see her as my Sister and move on with my life. Let her get married to someone she likes and live happily there after. If I have hurt this girl someway, please Baba, forgive me. After I cross a certain stage in my life, I only wonder if I can do good to many girls because I can clearly realize, I would have done some sins to women in previous birth. So chanting for this girl’s welfare if important for me as I have seen over 20-30 dreams in the past one year.
When you don’t know anyone personally, all you could do is chant Sai’s name and pray for them. I can’t live with this embarrassement for long and need a clarity from Saibaba. In the past 10 years not one dream Sai blessed me with has put me down like this. So I know my Sai.
Secondly, I have seen 2-3 dreams with my Mom and someone.
So, it makes sense if I chant Sai’s holy name praying for both. Let this be a gift I do in the name of Sai.
I have visited many temples in the past one year asking Saibaba to show me why all this happened. I have pleaded him to help me get out of it. I have shed tears asking if its right to put me down like this. Sai just smiles in his portrait and keeps silent. I asked Saibaba what people will think of me Sai?
You want people to think I have gone mad just because I always ask for your dreams and innocently trust all the dreams you show me?
Now, let us finish this episode with this chanting once for all.
I assure I can chant 20,000 times. I might probably chant 1 lakh times by this weekend. I get distracted at work as I can’t keep calm and chant. But the next 3-4 days, I wish to chant Sai’s name in my mind and pray for my Mom and Someone.
I did all I could do. Its been long now. Give me some clarity on why you showed me such dreams?
Sai, show me a way.
Give me ability to chant Sai Sai Sai with out much distraction. I might get away from chanting for few minutes but hopefully will chant atleast Sai,Sai, Sai…20,000 times by this weekend.
From next week, bless me to get rid of this issue. I had enough now Sai.
Sai blessings
Venkat
