Your Daughters career could be big for you but don’t ask a Man to leave his parents

Sairam friends,

From the past week end, I was really upset because my parents kept telling me that one of my uncle is suggesting a girl and they have asked them to send her photo. The same morning, Saibaba blessed me with a dream which I took as something unpleasant. I kept it in my heart but could not say No to my parents. All through week end, they were simply saying that the girl is good looking and good family etc.

I kept calm. The photo never came as uncle sent to a wrong ID. I waited. At night, I laid down near Mom and told her, Baba will show me my girl and I don’t like all these suggestions from relatives. Surprisingly, My Mom was casually telling a dream in which she saw Lord Shiva and a worm over a flower. When ever I see a worm in dream, I know what Saibaba means by that.

This time, Since my Mom told me that dream, I could not say anything. They will scold me saying I am spoiling my life believing in dreams. So I continued to be calm but I was impatient. I hate it when ever relatives suggests any girls to marry. It upsets me to core. Its not that I don’t want to marry but my girl must come from my Sai.

This morning, I again got a hint from Saibaba in a dream. I was a bit upset about it. Finally, I saw the girls Photo and other details. She was doing a government Job in Chennai. Something kept me too upset. Though I was speaking to my friends happily at work, I was deeply worried. I kept thinking something is wrong but did not understand whats going to happen.

I can’t say my parents that I don’t like this girl because she was beautiful. I kept praying Saibaba to help me and I can’t argue with my parents and hurt them again.

I went to Saibaba temple and told Baba “Baba, please this time alone, let my parents understand that this girl won’t be right for me. Let there be no argument at home. I don’t want to hurt my parents but please make them understand what’s right for me.”

I felt Saibaba wants me to light agarbathi for him. So I lit lamps and showed agarbathi sticks to Dwarakamai Photo.

I came home early. I wanted to finish off things as soon as I come home. I was upset all the day and could not focus on anything. While coming in Bus, I even forgot where I have to get down as I was too worried.

I showed the photo of the girl to my parents. My Mom said, she’s beautiful. You can’t get a better girl than this. I told her, She’s good looking. Agreed. But I don’t feel comfortable with this. My Mom started shouting and then my Dad joined.

I told them, Something tells me, this isn’t right for me. I could not bear it and told them, I don’t want dinner as you people are not understanding what I mean. They asked me how can you say without speaking to a girl that she isn’t right for you?

Then, I said, this girl had a Job in Chennai. She must have written some exam to get it as its a government job. These girls won’t be able to come down to Coimbatore and I don’t want any girl to leave her career just to marry me. My Mom said, they had agreed the girl can get transfer and come down here.

I kept arguing,they won’t.

My Uncle called up. My Father spoke and then my Mom. She told him that Venkat is OK with the girl but what’s their plan after marriage. My Uncle immediately asked them if I can leave the Job and go to Chennai. There are 1000 IT companies there.

I got furious but my parents asked me to be calm. My Mom told him, he likes this Job and he wants to be here and he’s happy here. So he don’t like to go to Chennai.  So Its OK.

I told my parents why I kept telling, something made me so upset past 3 days because of this. These people had a plan. Just because am not married, I will leave everything and go where ever they call. Yes. I am born for this? Is it? Don’t I know to remain in Chennai to become a Filmmaker or continue my career teaching in Film Schools at Mumbai?

Why on Earth I came here to Coimbatore? I love to be here. When ever I say No to a girl, my parents feel so bad of me but what can I do? If Sai approves, I will accept.

Many people doubt me if Saibaba is really helping me and if he does, Why I am not married yet when my parents wishes I should? The point is Saibaba has always been guiding me not to accept the wrong girl. Yes. I am Old enough. I may not be the right fit for the marriage market. Let me not. Let me never get married but my Sai will never allow me to marry and suffer for lifetime. He knows who’s the right girl for me.

Just because I have my own drawbacks, that doesn’t mean, I must sacrifice my beautiful simple city, Coimbatore and go to Chennai. Why Should I?. My house is not a palace but its Sai’s house and I wish to marry a girl who likes to live here with my parents.

My parents told me, They are not permanent and I must marry somehow. I told them, that’s OK but I don’t like any girl who comes with 101 rules. As a feminist, I wish every girl must continue their work after they get married too. Kindly, find a guy who lives in the same city so that you both can live in peace.

I am also not so bad that I never support or sacrifice for the career of the girl I marry. Just that I don’t like people demanding it.

My Sister was taking care of Katya when my BIL moved to different city. Then, for almost a year, Katya was with my BIL and my Sister stayed alone. Every one does these adjustments after they are married. When you are already in a relationship, you can sacrifice but even before you start a relationship, how do you expect me to leave my comfort zone?

I am writing this article out of frustration. I may be revealing my personal life but let this be a lesson for all the girls and their family. Find a guy who suits all your needs but do not demand things as if we have no body else other than you in life. If you love your parents, A Man too loves his parents.

If you love your hometown, A man does too. You may be in a metro city or even in New York City. That doesn’t mean anyone must sacrifice his loving parents and comfort zone. I am not asking you to change either. Just don’t even let your parents or siblings to reach out to guys like me. When you can’t change your location, I also can’t.

At least have some humanity and reach out to someone whom you believe will tally all your 101 rules. Please give a thought before you set your rules.

During Saibaba’s life time, a devotee kept asking Baba, if his son can get married. Sai told him “Later.”. It went on for many years. Finally once Sai approved the devotee’s son to get married and Sai himself choose the bride.

I believe my girl will come from Saibaba. If not. Its OK. I am happy.

Many Sai devotees write me about problems when they try to get married. I vouch you, relatives play a role in our life in such decisions. As if they are doing good, they irritate to the core. Parents do not allow a daughter or son to get married to the one they love especially since they want to show off to their relatives that their son/daughter married the one chosen by parents. Its happening all over India.

I wrote this article especially for relatives who bug you with some suggestions as if they are doing good to you. Better don’t.

Venkat

Note – I am not a Momma’s Boy and don’t mean to place my parents above the girl I marry. I don’t think I am even helping my parents but I am also not a stupid to leave my peaceful home, life and the gift Saibaba gave me.