Hi,
I was really feeling guilty for something over the past few days. Thankfully, I clarified things today because what ever I write in StarSai should come from Sai irrespective of the fact that I write about my day to day experiences here. I had a 3 dreams this morning about which I shall write later. The first 2 were really a blessing. When I was thinking if it really is essential to make video narratives on Saibaba, I got a dream which touched my heart because I never thought in that perspective. Will say later about it.
The second dream too where I saw myself in Dwarkamai was beautiful.
The third dream was about a girl at work which again I could not interpret correctly but thankfully it gave me some clarity by end of the day. Having said that, if Sai really lives in my heart, I must have not done this. May be, he doesn’t live in my heart. I did the mistake of being too humorous and writing as I wish than thinking from others perspective.
I am totally depressed and feel that Sai doesn’t live in my heart.
May be, I am just imagining that he does.
I was really excited about the video I made but gradually it doesn’t give me any reason to be happy. I wish to give up everything and travel places. This isn’t the life I must be living. There are people who are not bound by anything and just go places.Its better to live like that than gaining no experience and living inside a small comfort zone.
I even considered stop writing in StarSai any longer because mostly its about my experiences and not directly Sai. My way of writing is to practically relate Sai with my day to day life. No one comes here to read purana and I really don’t like relating Sai with miracles alone. Sai is like a friend and love of mine.
Its late in the night, I shed tears lighting lamp to Sai and asked him why he did this to me? If I should continue to write because what I write must only do good to others.
Just than I saw this comment from Vahi for my previous article – Saibaba helped me tell an imaginary story
venkat…………….im regular reader of our star sai. i cant express my happiness in words i followed your words truely i saw my sai my love my guru……………i want to tell you one thing venkat from 2011 january im suffering and sheding tears because of some personal problem after knowing star sai im becoming little bit strong but truely every day morning i used to check star sai once just want to know whether my sai want say anything to me to change or suggest or give warn to me, so many times i saw articles related to my personal feelings. thank you
These kind of expressions makes me believe I am doing something of use to Sai children but where do I end up?
I really don’t know what to do now and wish to run away some where. I wish to take a break and travel places if only I am fortunate enough to live such a life. I realize that I am living an imaginary life.
Venkat
