Sairam friends,
I woke up at 4 A.M suddenly and felt like I ask these questions to myself the moment I woke up “How can you be like this?”. Sometimes, Sai used to bless me with a sentence or a word in dream and I will be trying to interpret it. But this is really strange. I could not find out if Saibaba is asking me this question or if someone reading StarSai is wondering how stupid I am living and Sai wants me to write about it.
Let’s think about this.
It started in 2005.
I used to come around the holy Dhuni in Saibaba temple for 2-3 hours every evening and give Saibaba photos to few. I used to chant Sai’s holy name all the time. My devotion to Saibaba is nothing compared to how I was devoted to him back then.
In 2007, I used to read Sai’s book and have tears in eyes remembering his stories. This is called “Bhav” – “Expression of devotion”. Even these days, I get such feeling but its rare compared to the past years.
Gradually, I started depending on Saibaba for everything I do. Even every move I make in life.
So how can I be like this?
Like what?
You mean, living a life trusting some dreams I saw.
Not even thinking practically and then worrying so much?
I am not able to guess what’s so strange about the way I live. So I am not living normally? Do I sound like an alien landed from Mars, trying to survive with the other 7 billion Homo Sapiens?
Do you think I must change for good. So what are the steps I must take to change.
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Just behave normally and don’t bring Sai for everything I do
This is not possible because “Every thing I do, I imagine that its induced by Sai and Saibaba likes it and that’s why I am doing it”.
2. Do not speak about dreams. Dreams are different from real life
May be true for someone who’s not a Sai devotee. Have you read Sai Satcharita? You can count the incidents in which Sai blessed his devotees through dreams. Saints cannot speak directly and hence they use dreams as medium. So I will trust dreams. It has helped me.
3. Live practically
I agree this is important. I shall try.
4, Don’t blame Saibaba for your mistakes
I think my parents used to tell this to me and they advice me not to bring in Saibaba for your own mistakes. May be, I am doing this often and must change myself. My mistakes are mine. What can Saibaba do? My sweet, poor fakir of Shirdi will be blinking and watching me when ever I blame him for my deeds.
5. You are a Sai devotee and doing this?
Hello. Yes. I am a Sai devotee and I do mess up at times in life. Did I call myself pure, holy and divine? Did I fall down from Sky like an angel. I am human. Being a Sai devotee doesn’t mean I must always do good.
The worst part is when someone tells me “You say Saibaba..Saibaba and see what all you speak..What all you do..Like too bad”.
I never hide myself keeping my Sai devotion as a cover. I show myself most of the time.
If I do something really bad, Sai who lives in my heart warns me immediately. This is a secret which I will never express. I can’t say what Saibaba will do if I do something that’s not right according to him but I know Sai is warning me and immediately stop it. If you are too much devoted to Sai, he lives inside you subtly and shows his presence.
Anyway.
I hope I explained why I am like this.
Only Saibaba is not explaining me for few dreams he blessed me with.
I will live like this only as long as I can.
If you think I must change, I shall.
I am getting late to work now.
Tata
Venkat
Note – Many Startups in India are already bringing a change in Education sector. They do it full time. Do I have guts to leave my work and work on something full time? I don’t take risks. I simply dream big but nothing seems to happen.What ever I have in mind, someone else is already doing it. Either I must sit back and watch or do it myself. I am simply not dedicated to what I wanted to do in my life.
I really ask Saibaba to give me a change but I must get out of this organization. I don’t like other place where they might move. Is there a way I can get out of all this mess? After all this embarrassment, I can’t tolerate my guilt but where will I do Sai? I don’t see that’s happening too. I have to simply remain calm.
