Sairam friends,
These days I just have a 4 hour sleep as I get depressed and keep thinking a lot. Last evening, I stayed back at work for long. I lit lamp infront of Sai in my room and spoke to him for a while. Sometime I have realized is that when people write me their problem, they assume, I am writing articles about them. Honestly, You are not alone. There are hundreds of Sai devotees facing similar problems and hence I get used to it. Most of the mails I receive are seeking help in relationship issues which is the reason I keep writing articles to help such people.
Even friends whom you trust showoff as they grow ahead in their career
One of my friend had mailed everyone that I am trying to brand myself by having my name on one of the video. I was really hurt by his comments as I am not making a feature film to have my name on it. I told him that I have never done that but incase if he has found such a file, he must send it to me to re-edit it. All my life, I have faced such sarcastic comments only from people whom I trusted as friends. A year back, he was torchuring me hinting that the girl at work might think he only gave me her mail ID. I had to mail this girl again and again that no one is responsible for writing to her and its only my own mistake.
Once I asked him is it so important for him to maintain an image infront of a girl than being good to a friend?
He knew for sure I din’t got her contacts from him. Then, why he kept on hinting that to me? After all this, what did I achieve by writing to her. Now a days, I completely regret it especially since Saibaba never gave me any answer on why he showed her in dream. Its an experience which would regret for lifetime. Atleast, it must have happened outside workplace. I can’t sleep peaceful as I am not able to understand myself or Sai after this issue.
Gradually, I stopped speaking to him as he moved abroad frequently. I also found he was showing off too much as he got busy trying to behave too corporate. I have seen people across the globe who remain humble even when they achieve a lot but some people change so fast. The comments he made on me also expressed that he is recogonized and I am nobody trying to brand myself. I told him that I don’t have any reason to brand myself in an organization where I haven’t been recogonized for over 8 years.
I am happy as it is. I do some average work. As long as I am in Coimbatore, I am happy with my job.
These days I am remembering Koothanur Saraswathi in my mind.
Last night, I had a very small dream.
I just see a small room inside where few lamps were lit. I hear the words “Light 1000 lamps here…”
I am not sure what Sai means by this dreams though. I love lighting lamps but now a days, I am not lighting many lamps. Probably, Sai wants me to light many lamps as before.
Sai blessings
Venkat
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