Sairam friends,
There are few little mistakes that I commited in life trusting Sai’s words. Later, I realized things have gone wrong somewhere or I misunderstood Saibaba’s words in dream. I completely wanted to be out of it but Sai repeatedly showed me dreams which made me hold on to it. I stopped myself in all possible ways. Just that I did not move on with my life because that’s the respect I give for Sai. What ever your Guru says may be completely false and some even commented that I am assuming that Baba only told all this and I must change for good.
I made my Youtube channel inspired by a dream Saibaba blessed me with in 4 month back – Saw an old saint hugging and blessing me with light and I shed tears in devotion
This is what I wrote in on August 27th 2016
A holy Saint blessed me
I see that I am walking in a piece of land left unreconstructed. It was mid of the night and there’s little or no light in the place. Near the open land, there’s also a building in which just has pillars and floor. Seems the construction has been stopped in that building. I go and sit near one of the pillar. Suddenly, I see an old saint. He was very divine and blissful. He did not look like Sai but I could feel he’s one with Saibaba. He hugged me. I am giving him a flask full of coffee to drink. He takes it and sheds tears. The saint was so divine that I could feel as if there’s light emerging from him. I too shed tears in devotion for meeting him.
Lately, some of my friends told me said that they don’t like the name and hence I changed it to Lights on Venkat because I also saw a light emerging from the saint’s palm in the dream. There was another dream in which someone was telling me “Why don’t you switch on the lights?”. So I felt Saibaba likes this name because Guru is the one who wards off ignorance or darkness in life and brings us light in the form of knowledge.
Initially, I made videos speaking about Shirdi Saibaba. Later, after I bought my new DSLR camera, I wanted to touch other topics. I wanted to do something beyond Sai devotion. I wanted to inspire and motivate people through videos and what ever I do.
Everytime, I do something creatively, I wanted to know if Saibaba likes me working on it. Surprisingly, Sai did gave me a hint when I opened one of the book which reads about Sai’s love for Cows. Infact, Saibaba inspired me to make an exclusive website for Animal care in 2009.
As I wrote this article, I searched to link my little Animal care site – www.StarSai.in and realized that it got expired. Both of my Debit card did not got accepted. Hence, I used my Father’s card to renew it now. I never missed to renew all my Sai network sites. The past one week, when ever I opened, Baba’s book, it comes to the below incident.
Breaking of Baba’s brick – His indication about Samadhi
Baba used to have brick in Dwarakamai for several years. Attimes, He slept keeping it as a pillow. Once a devotee who was sweeping Dwarakamai mistakingly dropped the brick down and it got broken into two half. When this was conveyed to Baba, he said “Its not the brick but my fate which was broken”
This was an indication that Baba is soon to have Mahasamadhi.
This morning, when I woke up and opened Baba’s book, it again came to this incident. I was asking Baba, what he means. Now, I realize when ever any of the little sites I made in StarSai network has an issue, Baba indicates that someway. Thankfully, I renewed it and its live now – StarSai.in
Most of my micro sites are one page sites but I try to maintain it as much as I can because Baba asks me to take care of it.
Anyway, coming back to the issue I am facing now, I repeatedly asked Saibaba to clarify me. When ever I shoot, I will be too tensed and hence won’t be able to observe much. When I was editing the video all night, I did not notice much as I was too excited and passionate about getting it done and presenting it beautifully. Last evening, when I played it at home, I noticed something which really hurt me. I casually watched the rushes last night and felt really painful.
Seems I embarrassed someone and wonder why Saibaba made me go through all this. I would have been calm and kept things to myself if Sai did not show me few dreams. I can’t question Baba why he did that to me? After all these years, do I need all this experience?
The other day, someone seemed to be sick and I felt really painful. There’s nothing personal about it but I get upset when people I care aren’t well. Its basically my nature to fear something bad would happen to people dear to me. I kept praying for the next 3 days and later felt relaxed.
Every single day, I hug a Saibaba’s book and ask him to guide me because I never got into anything without his permission. I wonder where I went wrong and if I misunderstood what he was trying to convey.
Now when I saw the video rushes, I asked myself if I did such a big blunder? May be, it was a little mistake I did foolishly. Sai alone knows there’s truth in what ever I did because I can’t prove this to anyone. Its between Sai and myself and I will never regret anything I did in Sai’s name.
I just learned a lesson. If you do a mistake, what ever good you do or what ever you do casually also will be linked to your blunder.
These days, I ask myself if my life would have been better if I am born in some other country because I don’t understand our culture. I can’t understand why people behave the way they do. Am I so bad?
If I continue to live in India, I must do little I can for the well being of the country. All I have is some free hours to do inspiring videos and hope to work on it.
Sai, please forgive me but don’t kill me alive worrying about this episode over and over again. Something I can’t tolerate is that I have been through so many issues in the past 10 years and I adjusted. This time, I can’t move on easily because the very essensence of being true to Sai is living by his words. I lost my self respect doing that and even when I do something casually, I feel bad my mistake is being reflected.
I am fed up with all this
I wish to make 3 minute film on Shirdi Saibaba. I wanna make something useful for everyone. I don’t know how to start shooting. Lets see how Baba guides me. I have to ask permission from any Saibaba temple to do such kind of documentation and not sure which temple will let me shoot.
Baba, prove that you exist by telling me why all this happened? Just for me to analyze where I went wrong or a human being trusting your words will finally have to face insult of all kinds?
After many many years, I spoke a lot to my Sister over skype today. She has always been with me when I was a kid. I used to hold her palm and sleep as I fear that some ghost will take me away if I leave her palm. She left India before 16 years and I never bothered her once telling my worries to her. Today, I could not bear and spoke to her for an hour.
Sai, please say something tonight in dream.
Venkat
