Sairam friends,
I have 10 minutes to write this article today… so quick. This article suits some families in India.
One of the reason I write this article is because few Sai devotee friends used to tell me when I got married all my husband had in mind was his family members and never realized that I also have my family members to care for.
There are Sai Children who mail me saying their husband is spending too much for his own family members and not saving money and doesn’t bother if he is questioned.
I agree sometimes Men have to go beyond his parents and help out his sisters/brothers or other relatives. Sai wanted one to be helpful to others but Sai never want anyone to ignore his own family/wife and lavishly give away their money to others. There are relatives of husband who even blackmail the girl that she must not bother what her husband for his them. I have read stories which are truly very painful to listen and so am not going to tell you that.
The girl too much not worry much if her husband is spending on others for good reasons. Lets say for one’s education or hospital expenses etc. Having said that one must make sure the people getting benefited are not selfish and trying to dominate the girl. These kind of domestic issues in India are very complicated and my article must not be used for one’s one benefit that what he/she is doing is right or not.
I can basically put it this way, not only to couples but for every kind of Sai Devotees.
First, Take care of your family – Your Mom,Dad, Your Wife/Husband, Children and then move out to others if you can afford it
There are some girls also who wants to help her relatives. This is fine but make sure you have your own earnings. I get irritated when girls study nicely with parents money and sit in home after getting married. Please do justice for your education. Due to unavoidable circumstances if you are not having a career, its OK but purposely if you doesn’t want to be on your own, some years later you will regret.
Girls too much be allowed to help her close family members or relatives as in India a girl is not supposed to help her parents financially after she’s married. This rule could be broken once in a while and its already happening in many families. At the same time, hope the girl realizes, she has a limit to do favors and make sure she focuses on her own family.
When ever you do any financial help to any one – be it relatives or friends, make sure there’s a limit in it and try to understand if they really deserve it.
Being responsible to close relatives when they have health issues
I believe its ones responsibility to take care of their own parents as they get old. I know a uncle who took care of his Mother in Law so much as he did for his own Mother. When ever your parents or siblings are sick and need financial or any other favor due to their health problems, please do all you can to reduce their burden. This applies for women too and no one must stop her helping her parents.
There are many Men in India who are broadminded but when it comes to money attitude might change anytime. So one has to think what’s really good and take decision. Please don’t mail me as I can’t be partial either to husband/wife. I can only generally talk whats good for you.
The problem with Indian culture and traditions is that we took all the bad things and left all the good things which is why there are several problems still happening in Indian family set up. Few couples who lead a very understanding life must consider them self gifted by Sai grace.
Not all are happy and Money becomes a problem in many families.
Some women have no other go but to accept what ever her husband does. If you are in such a situation, you can do following Pooja and simply learn to live strong internally hoping your life will be good sometime.
Light Lemon lamps or any lamps you can for Goddess Durga every Friday and Sunday
Prasanna Vaibhava Lakshmi vrata for Goddess Mahalakshmi
Some girls write me that she’s not allowed to do pooja also with freedom. In such case, simply chant the Gods/Saints name in mind.
The pooja I have suggested may not change your life completely but its a way to bring peace in yourself and help you go on with life.
My Mom’s Experience
After writing this article, while doing Pooja I kept thinking how I will behave if am in such a situation?
I have a story which I wish to tell you.
When my Mom was carrying me, My grandfather did some business and signed on behalf of someone else for taking a loan keeping his house for mortgage.
Namma Raasi apidi ! Even before I was born my Grandpa lost most of his wealth.
Since the loan was not repaid, people from Bank came to my Grandpa’s house to take over the house. My Grandpa used to be in a good status for decades and my Mom don’t want to let him down. She told the Bank people to give time until the next day.
Those days they give lots of Jewels to girls when they get married. My Amma gave all the jewels her parents gave her during her marriage to the Bank and made sure the loan is repaid completely. My Father never said a word to my Mom for giving away her jewels. He simply said, ‘Its yours and you can give them to help them in such situation”
Until this day, Me and My Sister only feel happy for what my Mom did because it has earned Punya for us. What ever good we do will come back to us. For the good heart my parents had, we were blessed with a very kind Brother in Law. I never speak much to him but I love him for what he is.
Sai Ki Jai
Love,
Venkat
Always in the holy feet of shirdi saibaba
Sairam! I am happy to see this article. I appreciate you writing this with the modern perspective. It’s required thinking for men/women now, especially for Indian families. I always believe that husband/wife are equal and both sets of parents are equal. After all, the wife is who she is because of her parents and the husband is who he is because of his parents.
Our parents raised us and sacrificed so much and we knew them before we met our spouses. So how can they ever be abandoned after marriage? Yes, we need to keep our obligations to our own family as husband/wife/kids etc. but we still have an obligation to parents/in-laws if the need arises. At the very least, my policy is : don’t stop the husband from sending money to his parents if they need it.
I am fortunate to have a husband that makes sure that our family is well settled but also remembers to help his parents when in need. So I thank Sai for providing me all material comforts and I won’t complain if some of our money is used for his parents. Now they are well to do and on their own but earlier, it was perfectly fine when the money was sent even without me knowing the amount etc. After all, it didn’t short change me/my life in any way. Sorry for the long post, Jai Sairam!