My Life is meaningless

Sairam friends,

This is a holy Saraswathi Pooja day – October, 2nd 2014. I went to printing house with my friend the day before for some official work and it was really tiresome for both of us.

I slept hugging one of my favorite book written by son of Tarkad. Tarkad family were one of the best example of Sai family as everyone of them – Father, Mother and Son were very much devoted to Saibaba. They visited Shirdi 17 times when Sai lived in Shirdi. I got this book from an author who lives in Shirdi in 2009 and took photo copy of the same.

I woke up feeling very sick. I got irritated as my Mom asked me to clean all the doors and windows with water. This looks like a huge task for me as if climbing Mt.Everest with a bucket of water and mug. I had Coffee and started cleaning sadly thinking about my life. Then, I cleaned my Computer place which is the working hub of StarSai. Its usually dusty and no wonder Sai ranks me too low when it comes to cleanliness.

Then, I told my parents that I am going to Shopping Mall with my friend and they asked me to wait for the Pooja and go. I told my Mom that I thought Saraswathi Pooja is tomorrow. Then, we did Pooja offering my Sister’s paper which got published in a Medical Journal in the U.S, Katya’s note books, My BIL’s research papers. I kept my Sai books along with a book I bought online about Venture Capital.  I kept my DSLR Camera and then my Mom asked me to keep my Laptop. I told her “We must not keep laptop but later I did keep it below other books”

My Mom asked me to keep a Pen but honestly I had to search for a pen all over my small world which is my room. Finally, I got a Pen and kept it over the book.

I love the Golu and the Goddess and Gods kept in our home. My Mom invites few of her friends and kids every evening and gives them some gift etc these 9 days. Couple of years back, I did Parayan of Durga Saptashati. This year, I did not read any sacred books. I am mostly too dejected with my life and don’t know what to do.

My friend called up and we both went to Nagasai Mandir. I was telling him about some of my past experiences. Then, we had prasad and went to the shopping mall. I like any place where I can walk and watch people. After an hour, I we started back home and I picked a White Lotus from the flower market.

I reached home and offered White Lotus to Shirdi Saibaba in my room. Then, I slept off as I was too tired holing a little Sai statue in my palm. After few minutes, I felt pain in my palm and hence kept Baba over my chest and asked him to live in me forever. I don’t know if I had any dreams.

I woke up with a phone call from a relative. I told her parents had gone to uncles home and she was asking about and finally asked if I was sleeping and if she disturbed me?  I wanted to tell the generation after 100 to 200 years from now that without any live streaming of video in 2014, people in my generation were able to find if we were sleeping even if we act fresh while talking over phone. he he….

I cannot stay in home after 6 – 6.30 in the evening if its a holiday because its time for my weekend walking or at least sit in some corner of Shirdi Saibaba temple in my hometown.

My parents returned and I happily started to Saibaba mandir. I thought why is the temple so crowded? Its supposed to be calm and peaceful so that I can sit in the corner of Dwarakamai. I usually do not go to the main hall of the temple if the temple is crowded. I walked past the devotees and stood in the Car parking. I was leaning over a car and looked at the Saibaba statue on terrace of the temple. Have you seen driver waiting in the parking lot when others had gone inside.This is how I look when ever the temple is crowded.

Then, I reached home and thank God after more than 5 days, finally, my internet connection is OK…not good but OK.

So I started writing to you all. I slept off after writing above content and now woke up for the holy Vijayadashami day. This is 3rd October 2014 and auspicious for Sai devotees as its 96th Samadhi day of Shirdi Saibaba.

I did pooja to Gods and Goddess kept in Golu and also prayed Saibaba. My internet connection is not good and hence I can’t post any images. May be Sai don’t want me to post the Golu photos.

Anyway, Now a days, I question myself if I have anything more in life to live for? I simply spend my days for no reason. I can’t do the project I planned due to various obstacles.Many Sai devotees might be going through similar situation as mine. I want them to write down in a paper 10 reasons why they should live with confidence and make their mind internally strong. This helps them give up their worries in life.

If my internet works well, I keep myself busy with something or the other. Now I have no where to go. I simply sit and worry about my life which has gone meaningless.

Its truly depressing.

May Sai Maharaj bless you and your family on this holy Maha Samadhi day.

Sai Ki Jai

Venkat