Sairam friends,
This morning since my Mom continued to have pain, I decided to take off and be with her. I thought of taking her to a Doctor whom we know. The moment I dropped her, She started feeling like fainting and shivering. Apart from her pain, She started fearing a lot. I shouted at her saying She must not fear as I am always with her. Thankfully, we reached a Hospital near our place and got treated. My Mom doesn’t have any major health issues but as She is too weak. While in Car my Mom started saying I don’t wanna leave you alone and go. I gave her Shirdi Udi when she was in the bed and asked her to remember Sai. She told me that only after She ate Udi, She felt better.
The Doctor and Nurse really were helpful when we needed them most. We reached home. I don’t want to go to work even in the second half as I fear a lot these days when Mom gets sick.
In the evening,my Mom felt little better. She also went for a walk as it makes her feel good. So I went to Nagasai mandir and spent sometime there.
I was walking to Bhadrakali temple and also the North Indian temple – Sakthi Dhaam in Saibaba colony. I love this temple so much especially because of Radhe Krishna there. A security was sweeping the flowers littered all over the floor in temple. So I joined him and helped him to clean the temple. I reached home and again my Mom said, She still has pain.
I told her that I don’t wanna go to office tommorow also. She assured that She will get healed gradually.
Usually if my Mom suddenly falls ill, my Dad will faint and I have to take care of both of them. Today, My Father said that he managed to keep himself normal though Mom was sick.
Only Saibaba saved my Mom.
My Mom is asking me to go to work tommorow and that She will manage. I am really scared because when ever anyone calls me from home, I fear a lot that something happened to them.
They keep on saying, we are going to be with you only for few more days. we are not permanent. When ever my Mom and Dad tells this to me, I get scared. I need them Baba. Please. I don’t want anything else in my life.
Sai, give me buddhi to stop writing about this girl regularly
I decided not to keep on torturing Sai to answer me why he gave me dreams about the girl at work from today.
I also decided not to write about this girl regularly in StarSai.
People come here from various places to find peace of mind. It won’t be nice if I keep on Saying that I am confused, I am suffering and Sai made me feel embarrassed infront of a girl showing dreams. What ever happened has already happened. I can’ rewind it now.
I can politely ask Sai to tell me why he did this but the past one month, I literally bothered Sai a lot. Even when I hurt Sai, he has only done good to me.
Most importantly, when I kept on writing about this girl, something happens to my head. None understands what depression is. I never wrote about any girl even when they have hurt me and ruined my life. This girl is innocent for She don’t even know I am suffering because of the dreams Sai showed on her.
It’s between me and Sai. I am doing a huge mistake because its not decent to keep on telling about a girl who is minding her life and never gave me any trouble. I know its wrong but I am getting addicted to it. All the pain I kept inside myself like a secret for the past one and half years is now being expressed. Is that going to give me a solution? Certainly not.
I asked my friend after the temple was closed if its wrong to write about this girl often. He told me, its not good because people come to you seeking guidance and you have helped many. So focus on writing positive messages.
So here after, I will try my best not to write about this girl.
This was the only way I was able to feel relaxed – By writing about her in StarSai because I don’t have any friends to share what I am going through. I am stopping myself from doing that too.
My Mom needs me with a clear mind. Atleast for that, I must not confuse myself so much.
As long as this girl is in good health and happy, I will also feel satisfied.
Today, Sai saved my Ma. This is enough for me.
Venkat
