Sairam friends,
I was proud of myself because I remained very clear in following Sai truthfully. Somehow, I can’t be proud because of one small mistake I did.
1. I never bother when people say they saw Sai in Moon. Kindly excuse me. I don’t think Sai does such miracles. Its a personal opinion with no offence. If you see Sai in Moon, fine. It could be true. I actually see Sai in everyone.I see Sai in my Amma, Appa, my Sister, BIL, my Niece, some good friends and even strangers whom I come across when they do little good to me and walk away. Sai lives in Dogs, Pigs, Ants and Cows. Sai is antaryami. So I don’t have time to look for him in Moon.
2. I don’t believe when people say Viboothi or Kumkum sheds from Sai photo or Statue. If you want Vibothi, kindly buy from a pooja shop. Sai likes it when you do anything realistic. Don’t be a fool trusting such Viboothi miracles.
3. I never believe when people say Baba speaks to someone and Baba lives in some temple alone etc. Well, Baba speaks to every devotee for that matter. We just don’t know his language. All Sai temples are good. There’s not a specific temple where Sai lives more vibrantly.
4. I have written more articles on respecting women and being kind to parents than on Sai. I am honestly happy about it.
5. I don’t believe all Sai devotees. Sai devotion has become a fashion. Not all who goes to temple or worship Sai are actually pure and good. So never trust anyone just because they love Sai.
6. I hate to use the word “Miracles” because Saibaba is very affectionate and kind saint. Please don’t bring him down to miracles. Sai leela is all about love. You should understand his love and care for you and your family.
With all these qualities in me, I can actually say that I am good. I have been serving Sai for years in this birth. I have guided hundreds of thousands of Sai devotees.
Honestly,I can’t say that I am perfect.
Its all because of one small mistake I did.
I saw a girl in dream before 2 years and wrote a mail to her. I have mailed her few times.Later, I stopped.
Now, I am completely out of it. I realized that girl has her life and I have got nothing to do with her. I suffered enough because of this issue as it really confused me.
Now I am happy.
I mean, I atleast mentally kept a full stop to the whole episode.
The past 2-3 days, I am really feeling better.
But suddenly tonight, I have this thought as I sit alone in my room.
Why did I see this girl in dream? What’s the very purpose of it. I got excited and also mailed her.
Now, I am out of it but the mistake has already been commited.
I can’t call myself as a perfect Sai servant. I can’t be proud of all other good qualities I have because of this mistake I did.
I mean, what will this girl or anyone think of me?
Is it not foolish to write to a girl or bother her based on Sai dreams? Why did I do it? I can’t say Saibaba made me do it and escape from my mistake.
Probably, all this happened to make me more humble and polite.
I can never say that I am perfect.
It really hurts me.
I am not perfect.
May be, I am not good too.
And why am I writing about this girl over and over and over? What do I get by doing this?
Well, I suffered. I shed tears, I got immensely confused.
Onnume purila Sai.
Sometimes, I suddenly wake up at night and ask Sai in mind “Why should I go through this Baba?”
What ever way you bother a girl is wrong. I certainly can’t justify my behaviour in Sai’s name. Writing to a girl isn’t a crime but I should have maintained patience.
I am going through so many problems as of now.
Adding to all this, this issue keeps coming back to my mind and I ask Saibaba to bless me with clarity.
May be, I will never get any answer from Sai.
It just happened.
This is the only thing which makes me get upset with Sai. All the dreams happened for no reason.
I am confused.
I am certainly not perfect.
I accept it.
I failed to be pure and perfect in the presence of Saibaba.
This should be the last and final article I write about this girls issue. I feel dizzy and confused now. I mean its crazy. What did I think of myself? Is it not stupid that I bothered a girl saying I saw her in dream? I don’t know to laugh or cry thinking about myself.
I am scared Sai.
I doubt if I am normal person?
May be, as couple of friends made fun of me, I am phychic.
If not in real, atleast since I can’t prove this dreams to anyone, I should accept something isn’t normal in me. I am one hell of an idiot! I feel bad of myself Sai.
Please forgive me for my mistake and ignorance.
I know that somewhere in the line, I misinterupted your dreams.
Probably, I did not understood what you wish to convey me Saibaba?
I am not smart enough to understand your dreams.
Please be with me Sai.
I am going through trauma because of all that happened. Please help me to forget it. You can never heal the wound the whole issue caused to me Sai. Its painful.
Venkat
