Sai Baba wants me to be active and happy and I don’t know why?

Sairam friends,

This morning, when I woke up, I felt like I did not have any dream. I saw Saibaba’s photo and asked him “Baba..No dreams on Diwali? I requested you to guide me.” Then, I opened Baba’s book and read few lines. We did pooja at home and I went to Nagasai Mandir. When ever I feel like coughing at home, I try to control it and swollow it inside but how can you control coughing? My parents worry so much about it and say you must visit a Doctor. Now a days, I tell them “Why you care so much for me?” Because their care gradually becomes anger when I don’t listen to them. Anyway, I love my Ma and Pa and hence I try to listen to them once in a while.

I slept in the afternoon hugging the Sai Satcharita I got in temple but I really could not sleep. So I woke up and started to temple. Only in the evening, I could recollect that Sai did blessed me with a very divine dream last night.

It was like this…

I am walking outside a huge ancient temple. It was like temple of Goddess. I see the Goddess inside the temple and bow to her joining my palm. I could see so many lamps lit for the Goddess inside the temple. Later, a priest of the temple walk towards me, hold my shoulder with his palm and tells this to me

“You are always worried and sad. You have a problem in your mind. It will get healed by Sai grace. You must be active and happy”

As soon as I remembered this dream, I was wondering who this priest could me because I know him very well but can’t guess who’s it. Also, I kept asking Sai Baba

“Why should I be happy? I can be active because I like keeping myself busy but what’s there to be happy in my life?”

Reading Sai Satcharita…Once again!

I started to read Sai Satcharita once again. I went to temple for an hour and came back home. There were some guests in home. Again in the evening, I went to Saibaba temple. As I walked in the main hall, I was really surprised to see several lamps lit surrounding Saibaba. My friends and some other devotees had decorated Sai so gracefully. I always avoid taking photos in Nagasai Mandir. I kept staring at Sai asking few questions about what’s happening in my life and why he did this to me?

As I came around, one of this guy asked me how’s the decoration with lamps. I said its “Beautiful” and asked ‘Are we allowed to take photos?” He said ‘Everyone are taking and why not you?”.So I took some photos and felt good.

Sai Baba wants me to be active and happy 

Then, I sat in the corner and read Sai Satcharita. I got little bored and told Saibaba “Tell me why all this happened? You must have stopped me at some point Baba”. I felt like calling some of my Sai friends but din’t wanna disturb anyone during Diwali. So I kept calm and decided to do something else. I wrote in a chit regarding my problem and wanted Sai to clarify. I usually feel shy to give these chits in the main hall as everyone will be watching. One of my friend came and I told him that I want to drop chits and ask Saibaba to clarify me.

He asked me to give it to one of this priest who knows me for over 10 years. I went near him, gave the chits and said “Oru Doubtu – One doubt” …he he….He smiled to me and droped the chits to the Golden Sai infront of Nagasai. Then, he took a chit and gave me which made me happy. He kept watching me.  I went near him to thank him and he asked “Happy?”. That’s when I realized the priest I saw in dream is this guy. I could not recogonize him earlier. That was really exiting. The only difference is that in the dream it was like a temple of Goddess. Probably, Sai has given me darshan as Mahalakshmi and Durga on Diwali.

Anyway. I was basically happy after many days.

Just 4 dreams and look at my life. Iam hurting myself to core

I told Saibaba that I wish to forget everything and move on but he must not play around with me anymore. Even the Hindi song I saw in dream ‘Chori..Chori mere Nazrein mili” has some justification as I love that song earlier. The Tamil song he showed me in dream was really unbelievable. I have just seen that movie earlier but never once taken interest in that song. Even when I was not able to find that song, he made me find it. I wrote about it in this article –

There must be a meaning to what ever I do believing in You

This Tamil song is like a mantra now. My friend and myself listen to it as he loves this song so much. After the temple is closed, we chat for few minutes. Today he said “Podra Namma National Antham”. It will not be nice if I use that song for video as of now. Let some time pass by. Firstly, I must forget everything. Then, I shall surely make a Sai video with that song after few month.

I was too depressed that I told Saibaba that you just gave me series of 4 dreams. Now look at my life. You know I trust your words with heart and soul. I am totally confused because of the whole episode.

Anyway…Enough of my sad story.

I shall tell you something funny!

My children are growing up Sai

Have you read the article I wrote few days back  –  My kids are growing and getting distracted

I have been going to this Sai Baba temple for several years. From 2005, this temple is my heart and soul. When you are in a place for over a decade, you happen to come across so many devotees. We won’t be friends but we have seen them for years and hence feel good to see them after a long gap. Today, I saw one of this guy whom I used to regularly see between 2009 and 2011. He works in Chennai now and I was happy for him.

Similarly, there are few girls whom I have seen as kids. During 2009 to 2011, I used to clearn the lamps tray every Thursday in Saibaba temple. Since many devotees keeps candles and lamps, I used to make sure everyone has space to keep lamps. Now a days, I don’t have time for such work but occasionally I do. One of this girl was in school during that time and she used to be my “Assistant”…he he…She used to help me do some work in Dwarakamai. She used to speak to me very affectionately.

Somehow, As years passed by, I gradually stopped talking to this girl. I always like to see kids as kids but they eventually grow up and I don’t feel like talking to them. This girl seems to be in college now. The other day she said “Hi” and I never reponded. I don’t feel like talking to her. May be she was hurt. So she too stopped talking to me.

But I admire the change in her. She used to dress very ordinarily. Now a days…Too freeky!

Sleevless dhaan…Skirt dhaan…Always on mobile…ada da!

When ever I see this girl, I can’t control smiling. Either I look away to smile or stare at the huge portrait of Saibaba and smile to him “Paathiya…epidi irundhuchu indha kutti – Look how your kids are changing Sai…My children are growing up!

These days, I have a good time smiling to Sai looking at this girl. May be, this is how parents admire when they see their kids grow up. Should be a Father or a Mother to understand such feelings.

After the Aarti, I distributed prasad in Dwarakamai. Even after the temple was closed, I stood looking at the huge Dwarakamai portrait for 10 minutes. I was too pained and told Sai “I would have not done all that I did for past 3 month, had I seen someone as a Kid years back”

Human phychology is that when you see someone as a Kid, you continue to have that feeling on them even when they grow up.  No matter how much I try to explain myself that its OK…Lets be out of it, I am still not able to forget it. Its something that’s going to hurt me for lifetime especially since it happened in a place I had always been careful.

I came home and started to write this article.

Thank You Sai for the Home

My Sister and Katya came on Skype. They bought a new home and Katya has always been asking for a bigger home. Finally, today she took us around her new home..She said “This is my room. It has pink wall…This is Mommys room..Daddys room..Here’s the Garage..Here’s the tree in the back yard”.

Now lets go on a Flash Back…

Few years back, I had this friend in Mumbai. Once I asked her where’s her flat. She told me “We live in a 3 Storie bunglow in Juhu”.  Mumbaila Bunglow va! We both were such close friends and used to talk often. She had some relationship issue. Once she called up and told me “Venkat. I am marrying someone my parents found. I was too pressurrised by my family but I like this guy too”. She even invited me to Dubai for her wedding but I din’t go. She occasionally talks to me if she remembers me…

After 2 years, once when she messaged me, I casually asked her “What car does your husband have. Is it a Masserati?”

She was surprised and kept asking me how do I know?

I told her a dream I had the week she got married. It was as if the guy she’s getting married comes in his car near my home and I could clearly see a Trishool kind of logo on the car. I never told this to Priya as she was busy with wedding but I felt though she’s not marrying the guy she loved, this man is God sent and he will keep her happy.

In case you have little idea about Luxury cars, here’s Masserati Logo.

I have tears in my eyes when I write this today. Many of you might think that I must give up living based on dreams as I might sound foolish. Its not just my life. Even if I have a Sai friend whom I had never met, Sai used to convey that he has done good to them through dreams. Priya has always told me that her husband is caring which makes me happy.

I have helped so many many girls and guys to lead a better life. Today, I don’t know how to live. That’s why I ask Saibaba “Can’t you bless me with dreams that has some sync with practical life?”

( Note –  This article must never be used to associate the logo with Trishool..Its just a personal experience. Kindly just take it light )

Oh…Why did I remember Priya? I was speaking about her Bunglow in Mumbai.

I am happy that my Sister got a beautiful house that Katya calls “Super big”. I pray Lord Ganesha, Sai and all Goddess dwell in her home and take care of them. I was very happy to hear Katya using the word “Super” like me. She read a story for me from her book today. I want to encourage children to read books. I wish there must be a reading movement in India. Even I read very little and must improve a lot.

While my Sister was talking, I imagined what would she say if I told her all that I did in the last 3 month. That I liked someone. I was trying to imagine how harshly she would have shouted at me. I fear so much for my Sister and never say anything to her. Even before 5 years I was sharing my dreams with her. Later, I completely stopped it.

If I really tell my recent episode to my Sister, I assume this must be her words.

“Venkat…Be practical….Who’s this girl? Have you spoken to her?

Me: No!

Are you foolish?

Me: Saibaba told me in dream 3-4 times

What did he say?

Me: I won’t say. It was just a dream.

Then why are you telling this to me?

Can’t you act matured?

Me: I din’t do anything..

You must know how to behave.

Can’t you…

Why are you like this?

I think you have a problem.

Dreams are different from real life. When are you going to change?

Inbetween, she would add “I don’t have time for all this. You must take care of your life now”

If I say one word against her, it will grow as an argument. So I just have to say Hmm..Ya ya..You are right! I did a mistake.

Even imagining how my Americanized Sister will react to me….its like she’s dropping handful of sambar powder into my eyes. I will never share this to her. Let’s keep it as a secret and hide it deep inside the ocean. After 20 years when my Sister completed all her research work and thinks about retirement, She might have time to read these stories of mine. She would imagine

‘How did my brother lived such a marvelous life back in India?”

I am trying to see practically and pray Saibaba to help me come out of it. If I can’t explain and justify what I did to my own Sister, how can I to someone else.

I don’t know if I am happy or sad today. I feel little painful as my Saibaba will never make me feel that I behaved indecently but this time he has made me feel that way. I will continue to trust his dreams all my life. He can let me down. Trusting his words can make me go through sufferings. It can even lead me to a painful experience but his words are my life. I will do all I can to follow his words.

And after all such experience, do I even has a reason to be happy?

Nee enn maanatha vaagita Sai! I have been humiliated because of all my faith on you like a fool but don’t worry. I still trust you. I can’t disagree that I too did my share of mistakes!

And now you come in dream and cooly say “Be Active ..Be energetic and be Happy”

Why I should I be happy?

May be, Sai wants me to forget it and just be normal.  I am trying to be normal but suddenly I think about it and ask “Why did this happen Baba?” This question immediately takes me back to depression. Now that Saibaba has blessed me with dreams that I must be active and Happy, I shall certainly try my best.

I must be happy because my Guru has asked me in dreams to be happy.

Once again, Its dreams from Sai that I trust and follow.

What kind of Guru is he and What kind of little Servant I am?

We both are living a strange life!

Mere Pass Sai hai!

So I don’t have to worry even if the whole world calls me a fool.

My Life. My Sai. His dreams. His words. That makes Venkat’s life. Now and forever…

Love,

Venkat

Note – I posted this article in ‘Inspiration” category because you must understand the moral of the article. Its simple. No matter what happens in your life, even if the whole world is against you, You remain where you are. You try to be active and happy. I am not able to accept this easily because you need a reason to be happy. Anyway, I hope Sai has a reason to say this.