Sai dream and my sudden change of mood – I am feeling Sad

Sairam friends,

On Saturday morning, I had a dream as below.

It was as if my friends who worked in the Short film who came to my home for dubbing were leaving my house compound. I am going out to send off them to their home or probably office. To my surprise, I see many girls and guys from our IT campus sitting in the cab. I smile to them and about to get back into my home. Suddenly, I see more than 300 to 500 girls and guys enter our compound.

The guys are standing inside the compound and let the girls come inside the hall and sit. There is no enough sofa and chair for all of them to sit. So I tell them please adjust and sit with your friends. By this time few guys also stand in the entrance of our door.

I get panic and tell these girls “Edhuku vandheenga ne therila- I don’t know why all of you have come my home”

I get into the kitchen and tell my Amma at least to give water to everyone. There were hundreds of people from Campus that I am taking water to give everyone.

That’s the dream.

When I woke up, I wondered why Sai showed me such a dream.

Today being Monday, everything was fine in the office until evening. A guy pinged me with a link below on chat

Cooking Traditional Pongal – Learning to follow Tamil culture as parents are getting old

Probably, he found it while searching for the Pongal festival. I never post my Photo on StarSai even on the about us page. Only during every Pongal festival, I post my picture too as it will be a memory for me after a few years. I regret posting my picture now.

Anyway, I told him to keep it confidential and not to tell anyone as it’s my treasure. He didn’t reply to me for a while and after some time, everyone in my team and all my friends saw my site.

I was really upset about this. I don’t mind anyone knowing about StarSai but not this way. People must come to StarSai when they search on their own with some spiritual interest or when they seek the blessing of God or Saint when they are going through some issues in their life.

StarSai is my child, my treasure, and my soul. Though thousands of people from across the globe visit StarSai every month, I felt, none of my work must know about it. This is because StarSai is a place where I write about various issues. Some are my personal stories, some about my past, articles about how I perceive few issues in society and country, etc.

When people whom we come across every day, know about it, I don’t want any direct response to it. I don’t want a face to face ideas, discussion, or argument about what I write. StarSai is the only place when I tried to express everything in my life truthfully. Just because others came to know about it, I can’t suppress it because writing from my heart over the past 10 years has helped many devotees get close to Sai.

I write for Sai devotees who will go through some issues and pains in life for thousands of years to come.

Even after I pass away, my expression as an ordinary Indian must live to heal the pains of millions of Sai Children.

My friends were shocked that I never told anything about StarSai to them but its been 10 years. I never speak about StarSai to people who are not deeply connected to Sai.  My idea has always been this. Whoever Sai pulls, must come on their own to StarSai like a sparrow. I must never tell about it much to anyone. Rarely, I myself have spoken to people about StarSai when I travel but those were strangers who are devoted to Saibaba.

Anyway, My friends liked it though.

I just got very upset and sad as I have to continue writing truthfully all my experiences in StarSai no matter what. Maybe people don’t understand why I do this and what’s the purpose in doing this. I just know for sure that my life would have been nothing if I had not created StarSai. Sai has taught me so many good things through this Dwarakamai of mine.

My friend kept asking me why I didn’t even tell him and I told him, its my life – My soul. I want people to come on their own.

I din’t go to Nagasai mandhir and came home directly.

My Mom was not well as she was tired cleaning in front of our house to keep Pongal tomorrow. She asked me why I look very sad. I din’t say anything and had dosa.

Probably, the dream Sai showed on Saturday morning simply means everyone in my campus will come to know about StarSai someday. I wrote so much about my life here that if someone reads all articles, its almost like visiting our home and my life. I can’t imagine what will happen if everyone comes to know about it.

I had to spend a lot on StarSai the past few months. My habit of creating an exclusive website for each God and social issue makes it expensive to maintain. Somehow by Sai grace am managing.

A couple of days back, I thought of including some ads on the Site. I usually never included Ads in StarSai for the past several years. In the past year I have a very strange experience. Whenever I include ads, my Mom gets sick and it upsets me. So I removed the ads today as I believe probably Sai wants his Temple to be clean.

OK friends, Like many other experiences, this too is unavoidable. I want StarSai to do its work no matter who comes here. I shall continue to write from my heart and soul.

I am Sad today.

Its depressing Sai. I feel that I have not done anything good to devotees.

Please make me do something useful.

Love,

Venkat

Little Servant of Shirdi Saibaba