Sai, heal my Father

Sairam friends,

The past 4 month, I was happy irrespective of all the short comings in my life. I was basically happy because my Father was normal. The past week, he feels uncomfortable. We must either go for the surgery or stay confident and leave it as it is. My Father don’t like going to Hospitals and hence we don’t force him to go through the surgery. He told a clear No to it. Just that when ever he’s not well, I am not able to sleep peacefully. Last night, I was working on a video with a beautiful song I like until 1 o clock. (  Watch videos at Coffee with Venkat )

I recorded the voice and was about to do some sound editing. My Father felt uncomfortable and I was with him. I don’t know what’s right for him Sai. You assured that its going to be fine and I believe in you.

Later, I slept only at 3 o clock and woke up too late.

And at work, seems there will be a change next month and we all will be working with bunch of egoistic cracks living in past. From yesterday, I started counting days saying I can do all this only for next 18 days. One of this guy told me “You go there and do all your naughty stuff and make sound”.

I laughed at him and said “I will go there and change”…After a moment of silence I said “Change myself”.

He laughed for it but really seems that’s going to happen as I am dependent on this job now.

I wish to be on myself. Wish I have a startup and rock Saibaba. Having said that, I also remember what my friend adviced me. He told me “Only if you are in such job, you can spend time for Sai when ever you are free”. That sounds true too. And what happened to the other site I made? I am posting article just during weekends. Wish, I have more than 24 hours to work on it regularly. I have bigger dreams Sai. We must create an impact in others life. I can do something to touch lives of millions of people and will surely do it. Just don’t know when its going to happen.

If my Father isn’t in good health, I can’t focus on anything. Please heal him by your grace.

As I always say, I am running out of time for myself.

I don’t know if its meaningful that even in such situation, I show my teeth and make fun of everyone. Is it right? One must keep him/herself happy but seems I will never get serious with my life. Is that called “Responsibility” which I lack. Sometimes, My parents and Sister complain that I always go temple and think of Saibaba.

I really got angry on my Mom and asked her, do you want a Son who will drink, do all bad stuff?  She says “But you have to be responsible” which is what? Yes. I know but its not there in my life. Forget it.

Last evening, I came back directly to home as we have to keep the gollu dolls back in the box. I felt really bored to come back home directly without going Saibaba temple. So what’s there in Saibaba temple? I myself don’t know. I am not addicted to it because I am OK if I go any where else too.

Anyway, its good I came early, as we completed the work early. I am able to write this since my Father says he’s feeling better.

I slept only few hours and can’t remember any dreams. Think I saw 3 graphs and I also opened a Sai book to read the life of Ambedekar in Sai Satcharita Chapter 26

How Saibaba saved Ambadekar?

Mr. Gopal Narayan Ambadekar of Poona was a devotee of Baba. He served for ten years in the Abkari department in the Thana District and in Javhar state, from where he had to retire. He tried to get some other job, but he did not succeed. He was overtaken by other calamities and his condition grew from bad to worse. He passed 7 years in this condition, visiting Shirdi every year and placing his grievance before Baba. In 1916 his plight became worst and be decided to commit suicide in Shirdi. So he came there with his wife and stayed for two months. One night while sitting in a bullock cart in front of Dixit’s Wada, he resolved to end his life by throwing himself into a well close by. He proposed to do one way but Baba wished to do something else.

A few paces from this place, there was a hotel and its proprietor Mr. Sagun, a devotee of Baba, came out and accosted him thus – “Did you ever read this Akkalkotkar Maharaja’s life?” Ambadekar took that book from Sagun and began to read it. Casually, or we may say providentially he came across a story which was to this effect. – During the life time of Akkalkotkar Maharaj a certain devotee suffered very much from an incurble disease and when he could endure the agony and pain no longer, be became desperate and to end his miseries threw himself one night into a well. Immediately the Maharaj came there and took him out with his own hands and advised him thus – “You must enjoy the fruit – good or bad – of your past actions; if the enjoyment be incomplete, suicide won’t help you. You have to take another birth and suffer again; so instead of killing yourself, why not suffer for some time and finish up your store of the fruit of your past deeds and be done with it once and for all?”

Reading this appropriate and timely story, Ambadekar was much surprised, and moved. Had he not got Baba’s hint through the story, he would have been no more. On seeing Baba’s all-prevasiveness and benevolence, his faith in Him was confirmed, and he became a staunch devotee. His father was a devotee of Akkalkotkar Maharaj and Sai Baba wanted him to walk into his father’s footsteps and continue his devotion to Him. He then got Sai Baba’s blessings and his prospects began to improve. He studied astrology and gained proficiency in it and thereby improved his lot. He was able to earn sufficient money and passed his after-life in ease and comfort.

Its a nice story which tells us about how to withstand calamities in life.

I feel Saibaba wants me to withstand and move on.

2 weeks back, when one of this girl was teasing me and named me “Cunning fox”, I messaged her saying ‘Not to do it as I feel really guilty”. She told me that as I never messaged her before, She thought I had sent a suicide note. I can’t control laughing and told her that I just messaged her to make sure she doesn’t complicate it and keep it with herself.

She came across this name when I was messaging my Sai friend in my mobile about this issue. I must be careful while messaging anyone here after.

When my Father isn’t in good health, I just want to let go of everyone, pray for them and move on.

Wish to complete reading Sai Satcharita for someone as that will make me guilt free atleast in Sai’s perspective.

My life is all about prayers and that’s what I know to do.

Tata

Venkat