Sairam friends,
One of the reason I always speak about being good and pure is because that’s the only thing Sai expects from me and any of his devotee. You don’t have to go to temple. You don’t have to light lamps or even read Sai’s life. All you have to do is think and do good. Never indulge in any impure thoughts or deed. Its easier said than done because one must have self discipline to be pure.
So some Sai leela in my life better me kept as a secret. A secret which is over 6000 years old. As we have history for a Country and great Men, Saints also have history. Their history date back to hundreds of years and Sai has blessed me with few such experiences in 2005.
The problem is if I write everything openly, then, it won’t be a treasure. People will only doubt me and make fun of me. So during last stages of my life, I might write few experiences I had with Saibaba. Sai has told me about a Saint who lived before 6000 years and I was worshipping him from 2005 to 2008. Later, I told Baba, that I can’t accept any other saint as my Guru and hence, let that saint merge as one with Sai himself.
If someone tells me that I am religious today, I would never agree because I was too much into such spiritual experiences in 2005. My Parents were really worried about me but I promised them that I will get back to my life. As I assured my parents, gradually, by 2007, I came out of it and learned to have a balance between Sai devotion and my life.
At one point my parents won’t even allow me to do pooja at home. They would tell me that even girls won’t do such pooja these days. I had to try so much to tell them, I am going to lead a normal life and they must not worry about me. The past 3-4 years, I completely changed myself because I don’t wanna hurt my parents.
Earlier, I used to hold a small Sai statue and sleep. My Mom used to scold me saying ‘Saibaba is not a doll and you must not hug statues while sleeping”
That’s why I started hugging Sai book when I sleep these days.
Some pain in my chest and deep fear…
This evening onwards, I felt like my chest is paining because I kept on worrying about one thing or the other. Its not actually severe pain but something wasn’t right. I had a deep fear for no reason. Since I was awake until early morning the day before, I felt sleepy at work. I had Coffee which helped me magically.
I usually drop one of this guy in Saibaba colony. So today, I asked him to come down and waited for him in the parking space. My favourite Dog Snowy was in the platform on way to parking space and I spent some time near the Dog. I felt better after I saw this Dog.
I reached Saibaba temple, lit lamps and distributed prasad in Dwarakamai. I went to shopping in Saibaba colony and came back to temple to meet my friends. I spoke to my friend and felt relaxed. I told him that I am really depressed and feeling deep fear and pain in me since I always worry about why Sai showed this girl in dream and why should I face this humiliation? He asked me to let go of such thoughts for time being.
Now, I don’t have the pain anymore.
Some mistakes I did are spontaneous
This afternoon, I saw this girl whom I had seen outside office and told her “You look slim now”.
It was spontaneous and I just meant she looks like a small girl compared to how she was earlier. Many times, I felt like apologizing to her but how can I when She doesn’t talk to me? So I left it.
If girls are so conservative, they must never talk to me at all because this is how I speak.
Now I realized that as I grow older, I must be careful with every word I utter.
Actually, couple of years back, I was making a video and I was in need of footage of people speaking. Most of them did not speak and hence I shouted at bunch of girls to talk on the Camera. May be, they felt bad about it but that’s what I am. When I am filming, all I need is enough footage to tell a story.
After few month, one of my friend said that some girls had a complaint on you that you shouted at them. I said, that’s my nature when I shoot and I even apologied to them through one of my friend. I am not sure if it was conveyed though. Today, I saw one of this girl. I think She’s pregnant and hence I said a word of prayer for her in my mind.
All these 13 years in StarSai, one of the most frequent mails from couples is when they don’t have a child. Women also write to me when they are carrying seeking safe pregnancy and birth of baby.
How it would be to be a man and write to women expecting a Baby from across the globe almost every week? I have been doing this for 13 years.
So this made me naturally say a prayer for every girl whom I come across if they are pregnant.
Strangely, I also get irritated when Women writes me that they are seeking Sai’s blessing for second child and its getting late. You must understand that there are couples who wait years even for one Baby. If you are getting impatient for second child, think about them. You will certainly be blessed with second child too but hold on. Have patience. Blessings don’t come as a package.
Most of us seek Sai’s blessing without realizing how much he has given us earlier.
Anyway, today also I am not able to sleep. I am not sure how many days will go on like this Sai.
Irrespective of some issues in which Sai seems to have let me down, there are so many Sai leela which I can’t even openly share with everyone.
Sai has done so much to me.
I am always thankful to Sai I have experienced his unconditional love.
I will lay down now.
Baba please come in dream and tell me why you showed this girl in dream. Lets have some clarity and end this soon! I am bored of this Baba. I wish to move on now and I am just waiting for your dream with a clear message.
Sai blessings
Venkat
