Sai,
I was happy all this day at work. Atleast, I kept myself normal. I tried not to think of what ever happened in past. When ever I remembered, I tried to chant Sai and Goddess Saraswathi’s holy name. I went to Saibaba temple at night as I haven’t been there for 2 days. I distributed prasad in Dwarakamai, spoke to my friends for few minutes and came back home.
While having dinner, my Dad shared an incident which happened today to me. I am deeply injured by the way my Dad and Mom had go through few issues just because of me. Though my Dad took it light, I felt like someone is piercing my heart when they treat my parents like this.
I can’t even write what happened. I was speaking to my Mom and told her “Seems you both will only suffer because of me”.
She asked me not to worry about what ever happened.
She told “Since you believe Sai will do good, be confident that you will be blessed”
I started having tears in my eyes as soon as my Dad shared this incident.
Just because my parents are old, I am trying to stick to India. This is a country where people won’t mind their business and poke into others personal life.
Sai, Its OK if I suffer but please don’t let down my parents. They did everything they could for me.
My Dad said I must take everything humorously about how people perceive me and not get upset about it. Now I feel that I can only laugh at myself for what ever is happening in my life and how people perceive me.
I also laugh at myself for all that I did to the girl whom Sai showed in dream. What else I can do when there’s none to trust what Sai did to me? I accept that its all my own imagination and laugh at myself for my stupidity. Finally, that’s what everyone wanted from me. I can bear this pain too.
But I can’t bear when my parents are hurt because of me. We live in a very strange society made with so called friends and relatives who expects that everyone’s life is supposed to be normal. If not they will comment on us and our parents. Last year, I have faced this in office environment too. So it happens.
Sai, Please show that you exist.
I can’t take this anymore.
Om Sai Ram
Venkat
