Sairam,
Yesturday was just another day at work. I din’t go to Sai mandir and remained in office until 9.45. When I reached home my Mom was not doing well. I was with her for a while.
I woke up in the middle of the night and sat alone in the varanda asking Sai why all this happened?
I could not sleep at all until 3. A.M. I did all I could to force myself to sleep but couldn’t help it. I sat infront of Sai for few minutes in my room and spoke to him. I told him that it really hurts me that he’s silent and can’t answer me why he showed a girl in dream. Is it my fate to get embarrassed like this? In the past few month, I have spent several nights like this questioning why on Earth Sai got me into this mess? When ever I come across this girl, I ask what have I done and where I went wrong?
When Sai shows a dream, we must apply our thought process to decide if its right to react to it or not.
This is the only lesson I have learnt because of this issue.
I slept for just 3-4 hours as my Cousin has come home early this morning. I am not sure how many days will go like this and its hurting my health too. Wish I could do something productive to divert my mind. I am doing a few online courses as that’s the advice I give to many girls who write to me.
When we can’t understand why something happened in our life, we have to divert our mind on something useful.
I wrote a long article last night but din’t publish it as I felt its better not to write about this girl often. I woke up this morning and had to write this as I am expressing my state of mind.
My Mom din’t bought me up to bother a girl.That too in the name of Sai. All this is confusing me to core and hurting me every other day. Not a day passes without seeking an answer from Sai. All I need is some clarity because I will give my life to prove Sai’s words. Sai has helped me immensely even in small issues through dream. Then, why did he let me down and made me feel guilty?
May be, time hasn’t yet come for me to get an answer. I can’t slept sleepless nights for long worrying about the way I lost myself and what I stand for.
I hope Sai gives me atleast a small hint on why he showed this girl in dream. There must be some meaning to what ever Sai does. When I don’t get a clarity it takes me in the path of destruction and I ruin my health.
People who read this must not assume that I am so sad. I am OK. I have 2 life. One which I live externally and the one the life I owe for Sai which is what I am from “Inside”. My current problem is with the soul which takes every step in life based on Sai’s words and hence internally, I am injured.
Wish I could go somewhere else but where would I go?
Sai, please take me out of this worries.
I believe Sai will bless me with a clarity soon.
Venkat
