Sairam friends,
Today, I really worked at office. Ha ha… But I also talked too much. I kept talking and it was unlimited flow of words in the name of humor. Every now and then, I kept telling my friends that I am talking a lot today. I know its not right but wonder why I behave like this? I have gone nuts these days. I am scared of my behavior Sai.
One reason I keep talking is because I wanted to practice to speak about Sai, his life and make videos on Youtube. Well, its really not an easy task as my language isn’t really good. My accent isn’t good too. And I don’t want to appear infront of Camera. I want to show images of Sai and speak about his glory. I really don’t know if it will be possible for me to do this work because already my parents complain that I am only thinking about Sai day and night.I can reach more Sai children through videos.
Like global organizations, StarSai too must go through digital transformation for which I must upgrade my skills. Wonder what I will do Baba? After all, I am not that talented. I can only desire all this. You alone can make me do something good.
I was basically happy today. I went out with my friend to printing house and was listening and singing all my favorite songs while he rode his bike. This is something anyone who takes me in bike must bear with. I sing!
In the evening, I wanted to have fun. Someone gave me sweets as it was his wedding day. So I took 3 sweets, went to everyone I know and gave a piece of it saying “Its his wedding day”. It was funny! Humor is not about what you say but how you express it. I saw this girl who was on call with a candidate and I shouted to her saying “You are my bestest friend” ( And there’s no word called Bestest in English…does it?). She got irritated that I shouted when she was on call. I gave her sweets and then apologized to her.
I continued to drag her for an argument. I told her, you insulted me infront of 3 girls and one aunty. I did all that a real Sai servant is not supposed to do. I am not that good as many of you think. I am really bad. I want to project myself as bad because sometime back my Mom told me “You are too good and the world is not for good people”. I asked this new girl in my team if she had lunch and she did not answer. I realized she thinks I am really such a bad guy. I like this. Let there be few people who assume I am utterly spoilt.
Moral of the story -“If you speak a lot, people who are new to you will easily believe that you are bad.”
One of this guy at work asked me to suggest to buy a good DSLR Camera. I felt, I am not able to buy now. So let me do all I can to get him a good Professional Camera. We started after work with couple of other guys. I can’t listen to songs as he drove the bike too fast. I was singing!
What’s that song? A very old Hindi film Kabhi Kabhi has this beautiful song. Listen to it and you will certainly fall in love with it!
Mere ghar aayi
Mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari…. ek nanhi pari
Chaandani ke hasin rath pe savaar
Uski baaton mein shahad jaisi mithaas
She came to my house,
A little fairy came to my house,
Mounted on a beautiful chariot of moonlight….She came to my house.
There was a sweetness like honey in her words.
This is how I imagine the fairy to be. Cute! She’s little and cute!
And here comes the beautiful part of the song
main ne puuchha use ki kaun hai tu
Hanske boli ki main huun tera pyaar
Main tere dil mein thi hamesha se
Ghar mein aayi huun aaj pahali baar
Mere ghar aayi
Mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari ek nanhi pari
I asked her, “Who are you?”
With a laugh, she said, “I am your love.
I have lived in your heart since forever,
But this is the first time I’ve come to your house.”
She came to my house,
A little fairy came to my house..
We went to mall and saw the Cameras. Oh. How much I wanted to get one for myself. My film-making days are very much live to this minute. I have only one photograph I took those days taken in the editing room which I wanted to show you all someday.
The sales man in the Camera shop was really good. He knows Photography. People in sales will know their product and not the art but this man knows what he is selling. I appreciated him thrice for his knowledge in Photography and told him it will help all the customers.
I told my friend that if he wants to buy such expensive camera’s he must do professional photography and earn through it. Else, its not right to spend so much in the name of hobby or passion. He agreed to it. Lets see what he does. We planned to decide the right model for him and go again next week to purchase.
As we walked out of the mall, he told me “Venki, my Father used to do photography” and his dad passed away couple of month back. It was really touching me and I told him, you too can do good photography. I felt that I have done little I can to make him happy. I want to bring happiness into others life. My reach is very little now. I must do it in a bigger scale. I did not go to Saibaba temple today, so suggested we have food in a restaurant in Saibaba colony.
After a long day, I have this truth to say. Externally, I make fun, talk and I seem to be happy. Deep inside me, I am really pained. Pained because life can’t be this cruel to me. I wish that I had never born but its all karmic. I am supposed to be born and hurt my parents to this day. I wish to hide myself from the world. I wish Sai takes me to a new world if he can’t fulfill my wish because I am not able to answer my parents.
I am just keeping myself cool by such stupid activities at work, talking and making fun. Can it really wash away my pain? Even this girl who shouted at me said “You are doing drama by giving sweets and apologizing to me”. How true is it? Its all a drama! I just act as if I have all the happiness on Earth. I really can. Because Saibaba don’t like me being sad always.
Sai wants me to be happy even when nothing seems to happen in life.
But I fear a lot for this over talking. You can have fun and speak with sense of humor but there’s a price you pay for it. At times, You hurt your friends or they might hurt you.
Sai, Sorry for talking too much!
Please be with me. Though I am talking a lot, I belong to you and you must protect me.
Venkat
Om Sai Ram!