Sairam friends,
When I was really pained due to a relationship issue in 2013, Sai taught me something about all relationships. I was too depressed and read a very huge book of Sai Satcharita in Tamil. It must be over 700-800 pages and I read it very slowly for over 2-3 month. When things did not fall in place, I was pained still expecting positive happenings and opened this Sai Satchrita. I came across a sentence which said
“Relationships are like wooden logs running in a river. When a Wooden log touches another, we believe its permanent but as the water flows, it might get seperated and move to different places.”
I have repeatedly wrote this in several articles in StarSai especially since many people write me after a break up and still expecting the girl or guy would come back to them. The point is I am not negative but I try to keep things neutral. If your love comes back to you, I will be happy too but if it doesn’t happen, I want you to move on and live believing there’s someone better in your life. You just have to give some time for God to send them to you.
Anyway, the current issue I am going through is because of the respect I give for Sai dreams and his words. Its a sin to go beyond what a Guru keeps telling you. So I kept calm irrespective of all I know. The more I was like this, the more I felt ashamed of myself. I am even scared to see someone because I feel really indecent of myself.
This evening, I went to Saibaba temple and claimed up on terrace to offer garland to all the 5 big Statues of Saibaba. It was totally dark and I was too tired. So I sat in a corner looking at the sky and spoke to Sai. I told him that I wish to be practical and wanted to get out of it. The more I ask for it, the more Sai asks me to hold on to it. So I told him to understand my feelings.
Firstly, I must not think anything bad to others. Why should I? People must marry the one they like as the river flows naturally. That’s the way we all want our life to be.
Secondly, I am totally confused for the first time in my life to the extent that if I should trust Sai’s dreams or not. I do trust his words but as one of my friend questioned me ‘How can you say only Sai said all this in dream?”.
Good. This is how the world will question me. Why should I let down Sai? If he says something, it must be true. When it isn’t true, lets assume, Saibaba did not say that. So I take all the fault on me. Its my own imagination. So its all my mistake.
Finally, I shed tears looking at sky believing Sai is looking at me. I spoke to him saying “Let people live their life. Why should I hold on to this for so long Baba?”.
Please get me out of this.
I feel as if God has an App and he’s controling me with few swipes and clicks
Just because my parents are managing with OK health, I even have time for all this. Else, I won’t even think about this. As long as my parents and Sister are doing good, I am OK. I lost all the desires I had for myself. As I wrote in my previous article, I started imagining that all that’s happening in real infront of my eyes are like simulated charecters.
My friends.
The place I sit
Where ever I walk or drive
What ever I speak and who ever I speak to
When ever I say some stupid jokes and laugh
All this is like a video game for me. As of God has an App and he’s controling everything.
That’s what happened to me.
Sai said something which isn’t true. So what ever is true isn’t true to me any more.
If my Sai’s words is unreal, nothing is real to me and I am going to live like this forever.
I told him that let the river flow naturally.
I don’t want to come in-between anything or anyone and hurt them.
I already did enough sins in previous several births. Now, I must do good to everyone and move on Baba.
I am totally confused and fed up.
One of this guy was telling “Venkat is the only guy who’s happy”
He said that as I keep listening to music in my mobile. Does that mean I am happy? I don’t know what to do. So I am doing all this as if I have gone nuts. I am totally screwed up.
What kind of name is that – HappyVenkat.com – Will that make me happy? I am doing everything nonsense these days just to divert my mind because no one..No one in this whole planet can understand what I am going through. I suffered enough suffling my mind between Sai dreams and reality.
Now, I told Baba “Tell me what’s true and bless me to live a real life”
I want to go some where.
Wish I get a chance to go to Shirdi
I need a change
I must do something useful with my life that will do good to others.
That’s all I want with my life.
It’s a Short life.
As long as Sai’s words has nothing to do with reality, I also won’t accept anything I see as real. The whole world seems to be like a dream to me. It’s all virtual.
I have a story and that story is being played. No emotions. Nothing. Its all pre-determined by fate.
My devotion on my Sai alone is true.
Edit: Some of my friends kept asking me to sleep early as its not good for health to sleep at 2 every night. I tried to lay down at 11 and did sleep but later, I felt that atleast 2-3 hours, I was awake. Its better I do something rather than sleeping for no reason. I don’t have time to make videos for Saibaba. I am going to take my Camera to work and have to test how it works. Some of my friends wanna take a portrait of themselves too.
You must be wondering how its possible that I feel everything is untrue. Here’s what Elon Musk said –
The Chances That Life Is Really a Computer Simulation
AI, Cognitive Computing and Data science and the next versions of Virtual reality like Immersive tech will certainly create a different world. A unique reality of its own. A robot with ability to think like a human brain might create another robot like its kid which makes yet another world of its own and we are going to utilize them.
I already get mails from parents saying their kids and even some adults are addicted to Video games.
25 years from now, humanities greatest problem will be helping youngters getting out of virtual world to realistic world.
While virutal world gives all happiness, it can’t feed you. It can order Pizza from restaurant you love, bring home on a drone and take you on a virtual travel to Iceland where you might desire to have Pizza. Imagine you are virutally taken to this super cool place somewhere in Iceland..
Take me to Iceland! You will already be there
But AI and Immersive virtual reality can’t make your Mom’s Dosa the way she does. It can’t deliver “LOVE”.
Some years from now, what I wrote today will be discussed.
Spirituality speaking, I wish to see everything as Untrue because the moment I associate to anything emotionally, I get depressed. So let go of all feelings. Its like I see myself burning in the holy fire of Sai’s Dhuni. I just exist for the sake of living.
Om Sai Ram
Venkat
