Sairam friends,
As I told you earlier, On Saturday afternoon, I hugged Saibaba statue in my palm and slept off asking Saibaba to guide me in dream. He did came in dream but no words were uttered. I just saw a Sai dressed in Maroon color. I kept bugging Saibaba what does he mean by that dream. I even got into shops in temple to see if there are any statues in such a color.
Many Sai devotees used to tell me that when ever they visit StarSai occasionally, my articles will be an answer for their problem. Some of them even used to say, I was thinking about this and surprisingly you wrote touching that topic. Even today I received couple of mails saying “I got answer from your article”.
Hello. Naan inga polambitu iruken. Ungaluku answer kadaikudha? I am writing with so much pain the past few days and some of you say that even in this you get some answer for the problems in your life. But I am happy that even when I share my personal stories, some of you are able to relate it with your life and its helping you lead your life better. Atleast you people be happy in life. Don’t be like me.
I too get answer from someone on all weekdays. I have a Sai friend called Srivaidekhi in Chennai. When ever she has office, she sends a Saibaba photo with quote to few Sai devotee friends of hers and I am one among them who happily look forward for her mail. Everyday, at around 10 A,M to 11 A.M, I used to check my mails just to see what Saibaba is telling me for that day. Many times, her mails will match my situation.
Today, I was really depressed and kept asking
“Why did you do this to me? Answer me now or get me out of here”.
I saw the following mail from her with exactly the same Sai I saw in dream on Saturday. The same maroon dress. She has even saved the photo as SaiMaroon.
This Saibaba is the one who came in my dream
I am soooooooooooooo happy. How can Saibaba do this to me? Have you read the story in Sai Satcharitra in which a devotee gets a vision of Panduranga. Sai will ask him to catch hold of the Lord as he might escape. The same day afternoon, a man comes to Shirdi selling pictures of Lord Panduranga which exactly looks like the one he saw in the dream vision.
This is the first time Sai gave me similar experience. I know this is the exact Sai I saw in dream on Saturday. Because I even felt it looks like a Shirt. You can see the shawl folded in such a way that the Maroon color kafni is like a Shirt. And the message did lots more to my heart.
Saibaba. Ipidilaa enna Yethi vidhaadha. Already Paadhi maanam pochu…..Don’t encourage me so much. Already I feel bad of myself. Let’s maintain this secretly. I think, I must forget the episode when I am in such a mood. Its hard for me to forget because I tried a lot to do it.
Steps I took to forget ……
- I started making videos for Saibaba. Infact only after this incident I wanted to focus on something creative. Its my long time dream to make videos for Sai and I felt if I focus on that my night time will be filled with some work. So I can forget easily.
- I made a new site but honestly did not start to work sincerely for it.
- I wanted to make StarSai more visual. So very soon, I will be investing in a Cloud Infographics tool. ( Even my company don’t easily give approvals for such tools. StarSai is more tech friendly! Super cool ah)
- By 2017, more than 40% of total Internet traffic is going to be on Videos. So I plan to make another site to list good videos alone.
- I tried to see someone as my little Daughter. The way I see my Sisters Daughter Katya. It wasn’t easy but I like this way. It really made me feel responsible. To act with some buddhi.
Having done all this, I still feel painful. I realized its because I am always thinking about it. And if you notice, I always write about this issue.
What I think comes out as words. So I must really forget Sai which I have not done yet. Simply saying, I will move on is not enough. I must actually move on so that I can come out of this completely. Please do something to me Saibaba…
Once again did fasting drama today and I am really able to do it successfully!
I have never done Fasting for Saibaba all these years. Somehow, in 2012/13, I tried a bit. Once again, I am doing hunger strike and I know its simply a drama. Even one of my friend asked what are you going to achieve by not having lunch. I could not answer him. I know I wasn’t that hungry. It was manageable..he he.
I have this trick now a days. If I feel really hungry, I will go for lunch. Sometimes, I won’t feel that much hungry. So I will tell Saibaba, I won’t eat since you are not answering me and quit lunch. I don’t know what satisfaction I get in this but feel good because I know Sai can’t see me in hunger. So it might melt his heart and he will speak to me.
Saibaba….Speak to me! I want “Words”. Summa illa..You played with me.
I want “Sai’s Words” Tell me what to do. Am I not hugging you every night and sleeping?
Today, I went to printing house and enjoyed talking the taxi driver. I always like to talk to these kind of people. When I called him he said “Angana dhaan iruken – I am there only”. As soon as I sat, I asked him “Neenga Tirunelveliya? He smiled and said my Mom’s from that place. I make so much fun of my Ma as she speaks in that accent on few occasions. I always tell her proudly “Naanga laa Coimbatore” but she tells me that I am born there and hence my Passport will carry the name of her place forever.
This driver was telling that there are many kids who don’t have dress. They will be happy if someone gets them dress for Diwali. He told me, that he told this to one of his customer. That man immediately got 2 dress for kids and asked the driver “Now show me where those kids are?”. So he has taken him to that place and gave the dress and snacks to the kids. The driver said, He could not believe what he mentioned casually will make someone get dress for poor kids.
I told him you know what’s greatest good deed? He guessed few stuff and told me. I told him “Telling someone to do good is the greatest good deed”.
When you tell others, give food…give dress to these kids. etc. you may not actually do it but you are motivating others to do it. So “Motivating people to do good” is the greatest of all good deeds.
Later, he said that there are 3 guys in his room who completed their graduation in Engineering and selling Credit cards now. I felt really upset about it because most of the colleges in Tier 2 and Tier 3 cities any where in India are simply selling degrees. They are not imparting skills one needs to earn a living. This hurts me a lot and I wanted to something about it.
What’s surprising is that I did not even had Coffee today. I can’t live without Coffee but somehow I managed today. In between, I went to mall and had ice cream purposely because I told Sai that I want to get more sick. I want to cough more and I will make you worry about me Baba.
Mersmerised by this lyrics
While started back from work towards parking, I asked my friend to suggest a beautiful song. He suggested this one. Ghajni – Hindi was released in 2008 and my students in Filmschool used to like it a lot. What beautiful days? So here’s the lyrics of the day.
Kaise Mujhe Tum Mil Gayi
Kaise mujhe tum mil gayi, kismat pe aaye naa yakeen
Utar aayi jheel mein, jaise chaand utarta hai
Kabhi haule haule dheere se
Gunguni dhoop ki tarah se tarannum mein tum
Chhooke mujhe Guzri ho yoon
Dekhoon tumhe, Ya main sunoon
Tum ho sukoon, Tum ho junoon
Kyun pehle na Aayi tum?
Main to ye sochta tha ke aaj kal
Upar wale ko fursat nahi
Phir bhi tumhe banake woh
Meri nazar mein chadh gaya
Rutbe mein woh aur badh gaya
Roughly translated…
How did you become mine, I can’t believe my good fortune
You came to my life.. like the moon descends into the lake occasionally
Slowly and graciously
Like the touch of warm sunrays
You touched me with melody so that
Should I look at you or should I listen to you
You are my solace, you are my passion
Why you didn’t you come earlier?
I used to think that nowadays
I used to think that God is no longer unhurried and relaxed [has no time for me]
But, having created you,
He has risen in my eyes
His status has become higher..
You liked it?
Pleaded Sai to help me forget…
I went to temple, lit 3 lamps and claimed up the terrace to offer the garland. I got some clarity in the temple.
I cannot quit this job due to this reason
Sai has blessed me saying this is my gift before 5 years and hence I must stick to it. Further, I enjoy this place. I see everyone as my friends though I speak only to few. Even the guys and girls whom I personally don’t know are always in my prayers since they are really working hard.
Secondly, I learn a lot here. I will take all my rights to watch videos on Startups, Tech and various topics as I wish.
Its hard to digest but I will remain here as long as Saibaba wants me to.
I cannot be so impractical
What am I expecting from Saibaba? I must learn to act a bit matured and move on. People have their life. Sai dreams and words are powerful but may be, Sai just wanted me to pray for someone and hence did this. I just have to convince myself like this and move on. I cannot be playing around like this. Give me some maturity Sai. Let me be responsible. I don’t want to act so kiddish.
I just told Saibaba to help me forget…I don’t know if I can use the word “Forget” in my life. I never forget anything. I did not forget what happened before 10 years. How can I forget this? May be, the right word is “Don’t keep remembering…..”
I must stop remembering often and I must not keep asking Baba “Why did this happen?”.
Yes. It happened. Sai too had a role but is he bothering me now? Nee sirikiraye Saibaba. I feel you are laughing at me now.
So I must learn to behave accordingly.
I came home tired but unfortunately. I took bath. I told my parents I won’t bath at night until my cough is cured but somehow I forgot and took bath. And then it raised a big storm in my home. Why are you coughing? You are getting sick.You are sleeping at 2 o clock everyday.
I said “Its just Cough…None goes to Doctor for a Cough. I will get well”. But my Mom shouted at me so much. Then, she said, I am not responsible and can go and live in a room near office or near Saibaba temple so that they won’t question me.
I angrily looked at Saibaba photo in hall and asked him “Are you happy now?”
Anyway..
Saibaba is a very tricky Saint. Its hard to follow his words. None will understand me. Even my parents and Sister won’t. I don’t expect anyone to understand me. I live by Sai’s words but sometimes, I also let him do what ever he desires. I am totally depressed now Baba.
You do what ever you think is right for me. I am not going to ask for anything.
Baba. Atleast help me stop thinking about this issue. I repeated the question “Why did this happen?’ “Why you did this to me Sai” 1000 times in the past 10 days.
Please show me a way Sai..
Let’s do something else! We have so much to do Sai. Let me focus on that Sai…
Venkat
