Sairam friends,
I have written over 1200 articles in StarSai but never thought so much to give title to an article. Finally, I felt a generic message will be suitable and wrote the above title.
Surprisingly, once I started writing articles about this girl, so many Sai children are writing to me saying they are following StarSai regularly and getting inspired. I don’t know what my life is worth? I wish to do something practical beyond StarSai – Like helping people get jobs or learn something that will lead them to a better Career. Lets see!
Over the past 2 weeks, I am writing about this girl whom Sai has shown me in dream for the past few month. I am doing this because I believe that I am close to giving up all these hopes. When I push myself to the extreme, I get into depression but I also get some clarity. Today, I started going towards practical side of life.
A Sai leela which even my close friends can’t trust
August 2016
I have seen this girl with an intention to look just thrice in the past 18 month. I never look at her especially since I feel I have bothered her and looking at a girl might irritate her.
The first time I saw her might be sometime during August 2016. It was a Friday evening when she had started from work and turned towards my friend to speak to him. I often used to be in his place and that’s the first time I saw this girl with an intention to see.
After that, as weeks passed on, I felt embarrassed to see her on face. It hurts me deeply as if I did a mistake.
March 6th 2017
On March 6th 2017, I had a very strange dream. I have a friend by name Kanna. I am in his house and he’s saying a good news to me. Later, I come to my home. I suddenly have a vision just for 2-3 seconds. It was as if this girl had a different hair style. That’s it. I woke up immediately and told Baba “This isn’t how she looks Baba. Why are you showing me some other girl? She used to braid her hair beautifully like a typical Indian plait.”
I was little confused why I see this girl with a completely different open hair style in the dream.
I reached to work and was sitting in my place. I suddenly saw this girl walking and found to my surprise she had changed her hair style and now it was free flowing.
I was desperately willing to share this dream to atleast one of my friend. I couldn’t say a word because when I myself can’t believe if such dreams are possible, why would I take the risk of telling anyone else? They will only doubt me or call me as fool. Infact, If they doubt me, its like I am putting my dear Sai down. You can call me by names but don’t say anything wrong about Sai. He’s a simple, poor saint trying to tolerate people like me.
I asked Baba, but why did you show her in a different hair style to me? It’s her life. Her wish. Her desire to change her hair style. Why should I know about it Baba? I am nobody to her. I can ask 100 questions because I was curious. Baba…Do this small favour. Other dreams are OK. I understand. But this dream is too much. I can’t get any clue about how on Earth I get a dream about this girl with a different look and on the same day, I see a change in real.
This is one of the 2 dreams which matched with reality in all the 30 to 40 dreams I got related to her.
I am not sure if other dreams would come true or not.
But can I prove this to anyone? I can only thank Sai for keeping me informed but when She won’t even talk to me as a friend, I have all rights to ask Baba – Enaku yen Baba idhalaam solra? Why are you showing even small aspects like change in her hair style to me?
Even this minute when I am writing this – I don’t know to laugh or cry. I respect this girl. I respect my Sai. Only they both must answer me why I get such dreams. I am also an ordinary human being. When I get such dreams, won’t I have natural tendency to like her more?
I shed tears even as I write this. I don’t know why all this happened? To the external world, I might be silly or behave like stupid. But only Sai knows why I can’t ignore this girl as just another girl. This is the reason, I have immense belief that she’s has a wonderful soul and pure at heart.
We are in Jan 2018 now
I see her once in a while but only if I had to come across her. Even during such situations, I feel like running away from her because I feel guilty. When she comes near lift, I had habit of moving away. One of my friend noticed this and said, be normal and don’t over react. They don’t understand its painful for me as I feel that I bothered this girl.
I often tell Baba “Won’t she think, I am using Sai’s name and doing all this? Unless I can prove my dreams are really from you, how can I feel comfortable when she’s around?”.
After all these 16-18 month, today, for the 3rd time I saw her with an intention to see.
I din’t saw her on face but while she was walking away.
As soon as I saw her, I started thinking practically.
Baba…I don’t think what I am doing is right.
I asked myself to the Sai in my heart “Baba, What am I doing? What am I expecting from this girl? Practically, She has nothing to do with me. I cannot even be in her whole thought process for a fraction of a second. Then, why am I sticking to dreams. I must be practical in life.”
As soon as these thoughts emerged in my mind, I started sheding tears. No one noticed but I can’t control my emotions. I completed my work and decided not to go for lunch.
Starving can’t give me a solution
To be honest, I will do any thing for Sai and all Gods I love but I never fast. I easily feel hungry and run to eat. Today, I told Baba “I am eating everyday.So its OK if I won’t have food today. I can’t eat when I am bothering such a good girl.”
I never bother her directly but even thinking about a girl who doesn’t have interest in us is wrong.
I started doing some chanting and never got up from my place. I told Baba “Podhum Baba. I had enough. Tell me what shall we do now? I can’t control my tears when I see her. She’s a good looking girl and is living her life happily. I must learn to see everything practically and move on.
I have moved on but only after I took this decision, I feel like expressing the dreams I had about her. I am trying to understand where I went wrong. What sin I did to which girl and in which birth to go through all this?
I saw her once again late in the evening. This time, I felt she’s angry on me. I had apologied to her for what ever I did. But there’s no use when I spoilt everything.
I went to Saibaba temple and sat in Dwarakamai for few minutes. I distributed prasad and spoke to my friend for few minutes.
Later, I reached home.
I spoke to my Mom for few minutes and came to my room.
I am writing this for the past 2 hours.
I was actually normal for all these month. Suddenly, in the past 2 weeks, I am extremely senstive. Some of you are writing me as you care for me. Don’t worry. I am completely alright.
Just that I have one truth to tell you.
I have certainly been benefited by this girl.
Sai has changed the way I perceive girls after this whole experience.
We must never get attracted to a girl for how they look. This is not love and it will never end up in a peaceful relationship.
When I was really depressed, I told Baba, lets keep her as my Daughter -If my dreams can’t come true, then its easy to be a welwisher for her and just wish she marries and lead a happy life.
I wrote about it during October 2016 – What if I am a Father of a grown up girl?
Later, I started perceiving any girl I come across in similar manner. I was never attracted to any girl based on their physical appearance. Rather, I naturally had a tendency to see girls I come across as my own Children. I had the same feeling towards guys younger than me too. This transformation seems easy when I write but certainly only because of Sai’s own way of giving me experiences, I changed myself.
One of the reason, I might have shed tears is because I have this fatherly feeling towards her. I feel pity for her for reasons I don’t know. I just keep saying myself, She’s good girl and hence Saibaba will take care of her.
I am happy for this transformation.
I see girls as my Children.
May be, I did hurt many girls in my previous birth and Saibaba wanted to transform me by all these experiences.
I might delete this article anytime since Baba keeps asking me not to write about these dreams as he said my time has not come. All Saibaba asks me to do is to be calm.
Baba, please take care of this girl and every girl reading this article.
These are my very own children.
I am feeling sleepy now.
Please come in dream and guide me Sai!
Om Sai Ram
Venkat
Don’t worry about me. I went out with my friend at 5 in the evening and had 3 sandwitches. he he. I ate well. Its like, I was showing my frustration to Sai all through the afternoon but can’t bear my hunger. And like I love Sai, Sai loves me too. He won’t let me be hungry for long. No one. No one in this whole universe can understand the relationship between me and my Sai. The dreams he showed in this issue alone confused me a bit but that’s OK. My Sai has all reasons to make me go through sufferings. Afterall, I belong to him.
