Sairam friends,
I wish to delete the previous article I had wrote about how I felt the dreams Sai showed me related to the girl at workplace matched slightly with what’s happening around. Later, I received a few mails from Sai devotees thanking me for the article since it has helped them to be hopeful and holdon to their current job. So I am letting it published as of now. If someone, somewhere is taking right decision in their life because of my stupid stories, thats OK with me.
On Friday, while I was at work, I kept feeling painful because its not at all my habit to be inquisitive about others and certainly not girls. I already stopped looking at this girl to my max and avoid going anywhere if I see this girl around as I feel so embarrassed. So what’s the point in learning what this girl is upto?
She can resign or work or can do what ever she desires because its her life. If I am curious about learning what She’s doing am I alone responsible for it? Is Sai not responsible. But how does it actually look now? As if, I am the only one at work trying to learn what she’s doing.
I accept my mistake. I would have not started it back in 2016. But Sai is the one who showed me dreams and made me write to her. I apologized to Sai for what I did. Now, Sai has to clarify me why he did his part when reality has nothing to do with his dreams?
This is certainly not something I am going to leave lightly because its about what I am and how my Mom bought me up. To my conscience, I have never intentionally bothered any girl. Some say that I just mailed her and so I can forget it and move on. But who made me write to her? Why is Sai silent now after repeatedly pleading to clarify me?
For all that I have experienced in past, Sai could have been little soft to me and never let me get into this trouble. Externally, people see that I am OK but I know the humiliation I faced.
I cried to Sai.
I pleaded him.
I have done day and night chanting remember Sai.
I have gone to several temples and prayed all the Goddess on Earth to make Sai answer me.
After all this, Sai is silent and this silence is killing me alive every other day.
When I think deeply, this shouldn’t be that big a problem at all. I can simply ignore as if nothing happened if I am alone the reason for mailing her. Did I alone do it? My Sai showed me dreams. So its my right to ask Sai to answer me why he did this to me. Who faced insults and humiliation? Did Sai faced it? I faced it.
Who is struggling like a mental case now? Its me. Sai left me in this issue alone. He never bothers to say me a word.
Further, everytime I write about this girl, I ask myself why should I give importance to her because I don’t even know her as a friend. Later, I justify saying, if Sai showed her in dream, there should be some reason and I have all rights to know this reason. I am human and I deserve clarity.
Sai has only asked me to have patience. I told Baba, I don’t want anything else now. I don’t like her anymore as I suffered enough. But as a human being I must prove that Sai made me do what I did. If Sai can’t help me prove it, I understand that Sai wants me to be dead.
I lost my dinity and self-respect. I get depressed suddenly at work and start to think where did I go wrong Baba?
I don’t have guts to go and die somewhere and simply writing in StarSai everyday about this issue. Wish I could atleast stop writing about it here for few days because it shows as if I am hurting Sai.
Honestly, I still love Sai and Sai is always with me.
Just that, he doesn’t answer me in this issue alone. Since a girl is involved in this issue, I want him to answer me soon.
Let him come and tell me ‘Venkat.I showed those dreams because……………..”
I have lived the past 7 to 10 years based on Sai’s dreams. So Sai knows why I am stubborn like this.
I pray Saibaba that I must never be inquisitive about this girl anymore because that doesn’t sound like me. This too is not my fault alone. Sai played a role in this whole issue. So I hope Sai answers me soon. Wish Sai takes this article as an expression of pain I am going through and answer me soon.
I already lost myself Baba. Now, I am going to sleep. Please come in dream and tell me why all this happened. Please Sai!
Sai blessings
Venkat
